A Good First Date Does Not A Good Second Date Make

I heart musicians. Or at least I have a very soft spot for musicians (in fact sometimes I will even make exceptions for musicians such as even if they are not that tall or that hot, I might still date them - or at least make out with them). I think it has to do with my father and brother both being really into music. It feels like something I grew up with. Or maybe it's because I'm not musical and arty and therefore I admire those qualities in others... Either way, if a guy plays music, he is that much more sexy in my book.

Anyway, I met this guy on Match, let's call him The Musician. He is a singer songwriter in London and also does lots of cover gigs and teaches performance. Sounds cool, right? We wrote back and forth for weeks and he seemed pretty interesting so we decided to meet up.

Our first date went well enough... We met for drinks and had good conversation. He was good looking (no exceptions necessary - phew). Tall with dark hair and blue eyes. I was looking forward to meeting him again.

The second date seemed doomed from the start. As usual I was running late (and he was early) but I was only 5 mins late and I had texted him to tell him so. Not really a big deal. Anyway, I get to the restaurant and he had texted me that he would be upstairs in the bar. So, I go upstairs. He's not there. So, I call him. He doesn't answer. I walk back downstairs starting to feel a little bit silly and I look around all confused and there he is watching me! Awkward! Nevermind the fact that I totally blew my entrance where I was going to strut in all sexy hair blowing everywhere... Huh. Anyway, I tried not to think too much into it at the time - I mean why would someone do that? But after the rest of the night played out and his mean-spirited personality was revealed, I can't help but think he actually watched me walk up the stairs looking for him and then ignored my call... just to see my reaction and make me feel uncomfortable. Creepy!

So, after that exciting entrances he then launches into me about the fact that I live in Chelsea (one of London's most posh neighborhoods) as this had been a topic we covered on the first date, I felt annoyed it had come up again. Yes, I live in Chelsea. My workplace is in Chelsea. It's a nice place and it makes sense for me to live in Chelsea. Who wouldn't want to live here? It's fabulous. Yes, I realize that somewhere out there is the rest of big bad London with homeless people, crime, bad neighborhoods, long underground commutes, small apartments and horrible flatmates. But hey, I'm lucky and I work hard to pay my exorbitant rent so I can live alone in nice apartment in a nice area without a commute involving any kinds of public transportation (I have a phobia). I enjoy the area I live in. And you could call me a snob, but I do realize I have a very charmed life and am very thankful for it. But have I mentioned I also work VERY HARD for it! He is not the first man I have dated who couldn't get over the Chelsea thing. I just don't get it. I guess they are intimidated and insecure. But over the area I live in? Get over it! Or at least don't bring it up every 5 minutes! But I digress...

So, after we go over the reasons that I live in Chelsea again, The Musician then proceeds with an even more fun topic as he tells me he felt my message from the day before was "too forward." I was taken aback since I do not recall sending any outrageous messages (being the good girl that I am, I usually leave this kind of behaviour to the third or fourth date at least). So, I did what any normal girl would do, I checked my phone.

I had texted him around 9 the night before to say "Hey you. Are we still on for tomorrow night?" That. Was. It. The reason I texted him at all was because I hadn't heard from him - he was supposed to text me during the day to tell me if he was free to meet the next night or not. At 9 pm when I hadn't heard from him, I figured I would send him a text so that I would still have time to make other plans if he bailed. Once I pointed this out to him, he says "oh, must have been your other messages. Time to put the phone away now. It's rude to check your phone on a date." Whoa...

Feeling a bit awkward, I began to chatter away about silly stuff - my job, my upcoming travels, weddings that summer I was looking forward to. So, he cuts through this and sneers at me (seriously - the best way to describe it was a sneer) "Do you really think that even have time for a boyfriend?" Umm... point taken and he might be right, but jeez it's our second date and at this point boy is very far away from being considered for the boyfriend job. And his bitterness (dare I say jealousness - yes I realize I invented a word here but it really should be in the Dictionary) about my busy life is so not the way to my heart!

He then tried a smooth move to win me over by telling me that he thought I was "really arrogant." This was brought on by the fact that I made some silly - and I had thought flirty - comments such as: "of course, I was popular in high school," and "you might be a singer, but I'm sure I could give you a run for your money at karaoke." Both of these statements were said in a sarcastic and exaggerated tone. And yes, ok I was popular in high school and yes, I kinda do rock at karaoke but I'm saying these things to be flirty and funny, not to be arrogant! I mean singing is his profession, of course I'm nowhere near as good as him! I was just trying to flirt with him a little bit and show that I'm a really confident and fun girl. Basides Buddy, if I am so arrogant, why are you even on a second date with me? Seriously. There is the door.

I couldn't wait to get away from him but he seemed to be drinking his wine as slowly as possible. I honestly thought he was doing it on purpose, as if he could sense my discomfort and was enjoying it and trying to drag it out for as long as possible. And I was not sure I really wanted to stand up and make a dramatic exit so I patiently waited until I could escape.

While waiting for him to finish his drink, I did have a long conversation with myself (in my head) about what justified storming out of a date and causing a scene, and if this was possibly one of the worst dates ever, and wondering if these kind of things happened to other people. But then I reminded myself that I'm totally awesome and it's not my fault this guy is such an insecure jerk. Well at least he was right on with the arrogance accusation!

And after all that, he still had the nerve to ask me if he could come home with me! I politely told him that it was probably not going to work out between the two of us. Then I went home and watched Sex and the City reruns to make myself feel better.

For all you men out there, the way to a woman's heart is definitely not by insulting her and making her feel bad about herself! Especially on a second date!

Don't Let Your Friends Set You Up!

One of the many 'joys' of being single is that your friends often try too hook you up with men they think are "perfect for you!"

My Swedish girlfriend had been trying to set up her colleague and I for a long time. She would always tell me how "perfect" he was for me. In fact, we had actually met each other a few times but each time one of us had been with someone else. He was someone who on at least on paper seemed good for me: tall, moderately handsome, Swedish (I love those Swedish men), good career, smart, motivated, hard working, and well traveled and in fact really into adventure travel... For the sake of this post, let's call him the Swedish Adventurer.

Anyway, on a trip back to Sweden, I randomly met up with the Swedish Adventurer and we found that for once we were both single and also were needless to say quite intoxicated at this point of the night. This realization of course encouraged a drunken make out sesssion in a stairwell while our even more drunk friends waited for us at McDonalds - Classy - I know). Despite our drunken state we did manage to talk about him coming to visit me in London.

Maybe it was the alcohol (blame it on the.... ok enough). Or maybe it's because my friend had been encouraging us for ages, but mostly I think I just WANTED to be interested in him. I wanted to be interested in anyone BUT the Beautiful Swede (who I was actually in Stockholm to see). But if I had been really honest with myself, I would have had to admit that our chemistry didn't feel right.

But I selfishly went ahead with the idea of using the Swedish Adventurer to get over my Ex and I continued with an actual delusional hope that maybe he was the one. And right before Christmas-time, just a couple weeks after that Swedish trip, the Swedish Adventurer came to London to visit for the weekend.

I was actually excited for his visit. The first night we had a great dinner and good conversation - I could definitely see why my friend thought we would be a good match. But something just didn't feel right, there was really no chemistry and I again had the feeling that this just wasn't the guy for me. This was confirmed the following day when I realized that his idea of a "fun afternoon" in London was to spend it SHOPPING. Ok. I do not like to shop. I like to have new things (often) and this causes me to need to shop (frequently) but I honestly don't enjoy shopping.

My rules for shopping go something like this:

• always shop alone


• never spend more than an hour shopping


• only shop if it's necessary


• never shop if there is something better to do

Therefore, I tend to limit my shopping to lunch time runs. Being dragged around London shopping with a guy was NOT fun. Especially since he wanted to go to record shops and men's clothing shops. I was BORED out of my mind. After a polite amount of time standing around trying to pretend I was having fun, I attempted to excuse myself (I was having a small Christmas party that evening and I really wanted to get home and prepare) but this guy did the typical girl shopping thing: "just 5 more mins, I promise and we can leave together..." I was hoping that he would come with me so I could get him to carry some groceries from the store. So, I sucked it up and waited for TWO MORE HOURS for him standing outside the store in the cold.

Finally we headed back home and right before we got to the grocery store, he ran off into ANOTHER store to just "have a look." So, I ended up carrying all the alcohol and groceries by myself anyway. Amazingly I managed not to turn this into an argument. Unusual for me. I guess I really did want this to work out...

The other notable event of the weekend involved a fish bone. That's right. A fish bone. Before his flight, we went to the pub for a traditional British dish of Fish and chips. And the guy chokes on a fish bone! Ok seriously, this guy is into adventure travel and has pictures of himself standing next to lions and stories about all kinds of crazy adventures in Africa and other places, and he manages to get a fish bone stuck in his throat and almost die in a pub in London (ok I don't think he was near dying but there was a actual discussion of whether or not going to the hospital was necessary)! If you have never seen someone choke on a fish bone let me tell you, it's not a pretty site. There he was coughing, choking, turning red, making loud gagging sounds, spitting and generally disrupting everyone else in the pub. I was verging between trying no to laugh, being embarrassed, losing my apptite, being concerned, and just being ready for him to leave. He finally coughed up the fish bone and then caught his flight.

But it was the second visit that turned catastrophic. I really didn't have any feelings for him but I when he sprung the second visit on me, I was feeling a bit down over my Ex - the Beautiful Swede - so in a moment of weakness I told him "yes" as I thought it would at least distract me a bit and if nothing else, at least we could be friends. By the time the trip actually came up, I realized that I could have done a good enough job distracting myself with the many men in London. I also realized that I really didn't want anything romantic with him and there was definitely going to be any physical intimacy between us (not that there had been much the first time anyway).

But I didn't have to worry about him trying to put the moves on me and me having to reject him because I was saved by the violent puking sickness. One minute he was fine and drinking champagne with my friend and I before we were to go to a club, the next minute he was puking his brains out. My friend and I being the sympathetic people we are went out with out him and had a blast meeiting other men.

I tried to feel bad for him, but I couldn't. Men are big babies when they are sick and having him moping about in my apartment all weekend was a real buzz kill - especially when I had a massive hangover and all I wanted to do was mope around on my couch without a pukey germy guy sitting next to me. I was also extremely worried about getting sick myself, I had a huge week at work the next week with a product launch that I'd been working around the clock to help pull off. This was not the week for me to be sick - the puking sickness is contagious in the extreme. So,I counted the hours until he left and shut the door behind him with a huge sigh of relief. I don't think I will be seeing him again. And I definitely don't hold it against my friend who set us up - she only had good intentions. But I think I will be very careful before throwing myself into another weekend with a man I hardly know. Famous. Last. Words.

Lessons learned

• Always go with your gut instinct when it comes to men


• If it didn't work out the first time, don't give it a second chance


• Don't make a first (or second date) with someone into an entire weekend - WAY too risky


• If you don't like to shop, don't date men who LOVE to shop


• Eat fish and chips very carefully and check for fish bones


• If a fish bone does get stuck in your throat, eat bread


• Sometimes, men just look better on paper


• Don't let your friends set you up