Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I know it's been awhile since I've written to you. And I also apologize for not believing in you that much anymore. But this year I'm having a lot of trouble getting into the holiday spirit. Actually, I'm having trouble getting into any kind of spirit. All in all, I'm kind of down in the dumps big time. So, I thought that maybe writing to you would make me feel better. And I'm hoping that maybe you can help me to find a little bit of Christmas cheer and rediscover some of that Christmas magic that is so wonderful when you are a child.

 I was also hoping that you could possibly bring me a very special Christmas present this year...

The thing is Santa, that I'm kind of tired of spending Christmas alone. But at the same time, I'm getting more and more convinced that there are NO GOOD GUYS out there (besides you of course but unfortunately Mrs. Clause got there first)! But I'm not quite ready to give up hope yet. I'm hoping that you can work your special Christmas magic and help me find the perfect guy for this International Woman of Mystery. And if he doesn't exist in the world (I wouldn't be surprised), maybe the elves can whip something up? Build the perfect man just for me? 

So rather than a long list of things I want for Christmas, all I want for Christmas is a PERFECT man. I thought I would help you out by listing all the requirements below. I apologize for the fact that it is a little long. But I know that you are kinda awesome and magical and can make miracles happen... so I decided to just put it all out there.

The perfect man for this International Woman of Mystery...

• Is tall - at least 6 feet but preferably 6 foot 3 or taller
• Is handsome - not necessarily conventionally but he definitely needs to be attractive
• Is smart and intelligent and able to hold interesting conversations
• Is nice to me and treats me well 
• Is charming, charismatic and fun
• Fills up a room with his personality
• Is kind and has a big heart
• Loves books, music, animals and travel
• Wouldn't mind living abroad even if it was my job that was causing us to move
• Wouldn't be intimidated by a woman who is strong, independent and career-focused
• Is adventurous and finds ways to make even the most mundane things into an adventure
• Loves to laugh and tries to see the good in people and situations
• Is sometimes silly, isn't afraid to be a goofball, and isn't embarrassed by me when I have a case of the sillies
• Takes care of his body and exercises and eats healthy but who isn't afraid to indulge in a big plate of french fries with me
• Has a good sense of style  - i.e. doesn't consider khakis an acceptable clothing option
• Is motivated and ambitious and doesn't mind working hard but also values home life and manages to find a balance between career and family
• Has strong arms that he loves to put around me and hug me close to him
• Has a wonderful smile that lights up when I walk in the room
• Has nice lips that plant tender kisses on mine
• Likes children and want to be a father some day
• Gives me compliments and thinks that I'm beautiful even when I'm in one of my "extra 5 pounds" stages
• Gives me presents "just because"
• Loves his family and comes to love mine
• Encourages me to be a better person
• Loves me and looks at me in such a way that tells me and everyone else around how in love he is
• Doesn't need to be perfect - I know that no one is, but he should have a good sense of himself and should value self improvement
• Doesn't need to be tied up with a red bow and placed under the tree... I'll give you a bit more time on this one - just let me stumble upon him sometime over the next year 

I look forward to seeing how well you work your Christmas magic. I'm determined that this is going to be my LAST Christmas as a single gal. So, I'm going to live it up and put my faith in you Dear Santa to deliver this most perfect gift.

And if you don't happen to find this perfect man for me, and if you can't custom build him in your shop, then I suppose I could settle for a pair of Louboutins, a flat screen television and a plane ticket to Sweden.

  

XOXO
-International Woman of Mystery

An International Woman of Mystery's Awesome Guide to the Do and Do NOTS of moving

Guess what?

I'm baaaack!!!! Yay! I never meant to be away for so long. Moving is very very hard. Let me tell you. But I'm happy to say that I now have an apartment. And it even has a few pieced of furniture in it. Tomorrow I have 40 boxes (and no idea where I am going to put them) being delivered from London so I will finally have all my stuff! I will also get a couch delivered tomorrow.

I just have to say that these last couple weeks have been REALLY REALLY hard. I can't wait to put this all behind me and start living and enjoying life again and blogging on a regular basis. I have missed you all so much!

I have so much to update you all on. But let's start with a list that will give you some major insight as to what has been going on in my life.

The International Woman of Mystery's Guide to the DO's and DO NOTS of moving

Do NOT think that moving will be easy. Do not even think that it will not be that hard. Tell yourself it's going to suck and make sure you set your expectations right from the beginning.

DO try to keep a positive attitude even when it seems that life is working against you in every single way possible

If possible, DO NOT start a new job that is hard and difficult at the SAME time as you are moving. This will make your life very difficult.

DO NOT think that you will get a good deal (aka cheap apartment) in Beacon Hill.

DO NOT think that your Beacon Hill apartment will be big. It will not be. In fact you do not even want to calculate the rent per square foot. It might make you cry.

DO NOT constantly compare the small small one bedroom Beacon Hill apartment to your huge two bedroom London flat.

DO realize that your Beacon Hill apartment is actually nicer than your London one... just a LOT smaller.

DO be thankful for your walk in closets - remind yourself how rare this is in Beacon Hill (and try not to dwell on how much it all costs).

When looking at apartments, DO take note of important things like the fact that there is a loud generator outside of the bedroom window that creates a loud buzzing sound that is enough to drive you absolutely insane and will ensure that you will never ever be able to open the window. DO NOT sign a lease without checking up on that shit more than once!

DO NOT stress too much about it when you realize that the living room windows in your apartment look DIRECTLY into the windows of one of your married male colleagues (yes, awesome things like this happen to me).

DO take a strong note that you had better keep those shades locked down!

DO NOT expect that moving into an apartment that has NO furniture at all will be anything like moving into a completely furnished apartment. Believe me, it's a whole new ball game.


DO NOT sign up for a 6 am boot camp class (every single morning) when you are in the middle of a move.

DO NOT think that you will be able to have any form of a personal life or social life while you are in the middle of a move.

DO try to blog but do NOT beat yourself up if you cannot manage it because you are so tired that it's all you can do to keep your eyes open when you realize that it's midnight and you are nowhere near done with your to-do list and you think about opening up your computer but realize that nothing good is going to flow from your fingers to your blog. Seriously. Don't feel guilty. (I'm still working on this one).

DO ask your friends for help.

DO make sure you have a LOT of money. Moving is freaking crazy expensive.

DO have a really awesome friend like I'm Attractive Single Friend C who let's you stay at her place for a very long time and takes trips with you to Ikea and offer you lots moral support

DO have awesome parents who will help you in your time of need.

DO set a time limit for your Ikea trip. That store is MASSIVE. You could live there. Or at least stay there for forever.

DO have a list when going to Ikea - focus, focus, focus.

DO NOT go to Ikea 1 hour before it closes and expect to get a lot done (although I might have set a world record for being in and out in an hour with a full bedroom set

DO expect and plan to go back to Ikea more than once... It happens.

When the man delivering the mattress tells you that there is just no way he is going to get it up the stairs and is generally just being mean to you, DO start to cry. Believe me if there are enough tears, he will get that mattress up the stairs just to shut you up.

Do NOT expect any delivery or assembly men to come anywhere NEAR the time they tell you they are going to be there. Be prepared to wait around the house the ENTIRE weekend.

DO right mean yelp reviews of companies like Urban Express who really messed up your life by making a prisoner in your furniture-less apartment all weekend while you stood (because there is no furniture to sit on) around waiting for them to arrive for hours and hours just to finally find out (after you called them 5 times) that they will not make it until tomorrow - and then repeat the whole process.

DO NOT use the company Urban Express which is the company the Ikea in Stoughton, Ma uses for deliveries and assemblies (the delivery was ok, the assembly was a nightmare - I waited for the guys for about 10 hours in total and waited on the phone for 45 minutes talking to incompetent staff each of the 12 times I had to call them to check where the assembly guys were).

DO grin and bear it when the delivery men and assembly men call you "cute" nicknames like "beautiful" and "honey" - decide that if it makes them get shit done faster, it's worse a little degradation

DO try to see the humor in everything even when all you really want to do is cry and cry and cry

DO let yourself have a major breakdown on a Friday night when it all seems impossible and your are so miserable in your furniture-less apartment in a new city and are so homesick for Europe and your friends there.

DO try to wake up with a more positive attitude on Saturday morning

DO NOT think that you will not need a winter jacket in Boston in November. DO pack this in your things you are bringing with you.

DO NOT think that you will not need summer running clothes in Boston in October. Do remember that sometimes it is 70 degrees one day and 30 degrees the next day.

DO NOT think too much about Europe and all your friends there who you miss so much.

DO NOT freak out when you pull the Ikea furniture out of a box and you end up with 300 small pieces. This is normal. Take a deep breath. And then begin the long assembly process.

DO know that building Ikea furniture has a big learning curve. It does get easier. Although not that much easier.

DO NOT make fun of your father when he wears dorky knee pads to put together your furniture. DO remember that he is there to help.

DO covet your fathers kneepads (although still wonder why he needed to put them on in the street OUTSIDE your apartment where he then has to walk two blocks with them on) when you have been kneeling for 4 hours putting together furniture on the hardwood floor and have massive bruises on your knee

DO consider asking your father if you can borrow the kneepads... Although DO NOT even for a moment consider wearing them OUTSIDE the apartment.

DO NOT think twice about buying a wine opener even though one is eventually coming in your boxes from London. You are going to need a LOT of wine to get through this.

DO NOT think that it is a good idea to drink while putting together Ikea furniture. This will inevitably lead to big messes. Although DO consider drinking if it is the only way that you can convince yourself to stay at home on BOTH Friday and Saturday night and put together said furniture.

If you DO drink while putting together Ikea furniture (hey, sometimes it just has to be done) DO make sure you put aside some time the next day to fix all the stuff you put together wrong.

DO set a hard date on when you are determined to be finished with the move by having a housewarming party (mine is November 20th).

DO try not to stress about 40 boxes coming to your tiny apartment tomorrow! I will for sure update you and let you know how that goes.

And the number one piece of advice that this International Woman of Mystery has for all those other hot messes who are considering a move:

DO NOT MOVE ANYWHERE UNLESS YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND!

DO MAKE SURE THAT A BOYFRIEND IS ON HAND TO HELP YOU WITH THE EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL HEAVY LIFTING ASPECTS OF YOUR MOVE!

I promise to write again soon! I think I'm just about ready to be back to normal blogging (although this damn Boot Camp is sure not helping things) Miss you all!

Kisses and hugs and glasses of vino.

Things I'm looking forward to about moving home

So... Today is my last night in London. Can you believe it? Cuz I can't!

Feels very strange to be in my empty apartment (and very terrible to be sleeping in my bed without my memory foam mattress)! The movers came yesterday and packed up 6 years of stuff in 43 boxes. How did I manage to accumulate that much stuff? I have no idea. I guess it's on its way back to Boston now. It will meet me there in 6 - 8 weeks (I hope).

Today was the cleaning of my apartment. And tomorrow is the final check out (and please oh please let me get my 2,700 GBP security deposit back because I really need it to buy furniture in Boston).

It all feels so unreal.

Tonight The Company had a really nice dinner for me and we reminisced about the last 6 years and The President and VP said really nice things and we recalled lost of fond memories from back in the day when we were younger... (They also gave me some really nice gifts). It made me sad and nostalgic. It was hard. Tomorrow - the last day in the office - that will be hard too.

I'm not leaving The Company but I'm completely changing products/divisions/industries and although I know it's time for a change, I can't help but to feel sad about leaving my current product and all the great people I have worked with for the past 6 years.

And I'm surprised and humbled at all the nice things people have to say about working with me and that it truly feels like they might miss me as much as I will miss them.

I have to say - I hate goodbyes. As much as this has all been nice and sweet, I overwhelmingly feel like it is something to be endured and I keep wishing there was a fast forward button so I could get off this emotional rollar coaster I've been riding for far too long now. Above all, I'm determined not to cry. What's the point? I have to just look forward and move ahead. And hope that good things are waiting in my future.

Tomorrow I fly to Stockholm to hang out for a few days. Good friend J is getting married to S on Saturday (stay tuned for the final wedding blog post of the year) and I'm looking forward to that. And in general, I'm looking forward to catching up with the girls, participating in the Stockholm nightlife (Beware Berns - I'm going to kill it on Friday night), having fika, shopping at H&M, running in Hagerparken and generally soaking up as much Stockholm awesomeness as I can before leaving on a one way flight to Boston next Wednesday (sob).

So... I might go off the radar for a few days but am sure to catch up with you all soon when I'm back in the US!

In the meantime... here's the deal, I'm totally nervous and kind of dreading moving back to Boston - as you can see from many of my latest posts. But there are a few things that I'm secretly looking forward to.

So, I leave you with this small list:

Things I'm looking forward to about moving home:

Autumn in New England - Is there anything better than Autumn in New England? I don't think so actually! I have felt sad about missing New England Autumn every year. Autumn everywhere is kind of nice and special and gives you that cozy nostalgic feeling. But, every single Autumn that I've spent outside New England, I've been thoroughly disappointed. Because when it's Autumn - there is truly no place like home!*

Lobster and clam chowder - It will be nice to eat my favorite New England foods more often. As my Mother advised when I was very little: "Never eat lobster or clam chowder outside of New England unless you want to be very disappointed." I have to say that she was totally right. And the few times I made the mistake... I did regret it (unless it was imported from New England of course - for real, I've had Maine lobster in China).

The Red Sox, The Patriots, The Bruins, The Celtics - I'm not the world's biggest sports fan (i.e. I did not stay up to ridiculously late hours just to watch New England sports teams while living abroad. In fact, apart from my updates from my Father -a real sports enthusiast). And over the years I have become pretty out of touch with the world of New England sports. But I do kind of miss watching sports and I'm looking forward to being swept away by the sports enthusiasm of Boston. Go Pats!

Being closer to family - It will be nice to have my parents just 2 hours away and to get to see my grandfather more. I also hope to soon visit my cousin and her kids in Maine!

The countryside - London is a great city and the country is definitely accessible, but it doesn't feel like the countryside is in the city, the way it did in Stockholm. I've found myself desperately craving the countryside. It will be nice to be in Boston with a car and able to drive home to my parent's house or go up to New Hampshire or Maine when I need a quick countryside fix.

Reuniting with old friends - I don't have a big social group that I'm going back to in Boston. I've been away way too long. Most of my Boston friends have moved outside the city and are working on building their families. But there are a few people that have reached out to me and I'm looking forward to reconnecting with them. And I'm hoping they will become my new cast of characters in my blog - Sexy Single Friend C, Lovely couple L and P and SB - I'm looking at you! And for all you unsuspecting Bostonians who do not know me yet... all I can say is WATCH OUT!!! Boston here I come! Get ready for it!

Mexican food - I love Mexican food. But it's extremely difficult if not impossible to find it abroad. And never have I ever encountered a place abroad that does a decent burrito. Can't wait to eat some yummy Mexican. (drool)

Whole Foods and Trader Joes - These are the best stores ever! I absolutely love Whole Foods and Trader Joes is great as well. And although there was a Whole Foods in South Kensington, it wasn't very convenient to where I lived. Luckily, Whole Foods in Boston will be easily accessible by car (because yes, I will have a car).

Dunkin Donuts - I love their coffee. And there is just something about going through a drive through that makes me feel so American.

Salad Bars - I love me a good old "make your own salad" bar. I have never seen this concept in any other country. My office restaurant has a make your own salad bar and I can't wait to hit that!

American Gyms - I am so tired of the crowded, hot, small and windowless European gyms. I'm looking forward to the big, spacious and better equipped gyms in the US. And maybe if I'm lucky there will be some cute men there too!

Running on the Charles - Guess I'm trading the Thames for the Charles. But in terms of beauty, I think the Charles wins... Can't wait for lovely runs on the river!

Proximity to Latin America - I'm gonna miss Europe, but I am hoping to do a bit more traveling in Latin America and that is much easier from the US. And a long weekend in Miami wouldn't be too bad either!

The weather - Boston might not have the best weather in the world, but compared to London and Sweden it's pretty freaking fantastic! And as you drive everywhere in the US anyway, the weather becomes much less of a big deal. Say nothing of the fact that there is so much more light in the winter (although I guess that conversely means that there is so much less light in the summer).

*I'm pretty sure that Autumn doesn't need a capital at the beginning of it... But I'm too lazy to either look it up or go back and fix it. My blog. My rules. For me, Autumn has a capital A.

Things I'm Gonna Miss About Living In London

My apartment is all packed up and the movers are literally here as I speak write.

And although I will not be missing the weather or my crazy expensive rent, there are a lot of things that I will miss about London such as:

My apartment - My apartment was kind of awesome here. It's a two bedroom right in the heart of Chelsea and very warm and cozy. It's perfect actually other than the fact that there was no outdoor space. I am sad to leave it. I definitely could have lived here for longer.

Chelsea - I have LOVED living in Chelsea. And if I ever return to London, I will live here again. It's such a great place to live!

Running in Battersea Park - I live right across the bridge from Battersea Park and because I'm a bit fanatic about running, I have run there every week 3 - 5 times a week. Although sometimes it feels a bit small, and other times it feels a bit crowded, it is a pretty good park. I will especially miss running along the Thames at sunrise and sunset.

Sexy Single Friend A - Although we have known each other for a couple years, Sexy Single Friend A and I only became friends in London. But Damnit! I'm going to miss this girl. She is always good fun to hang out with and I wish her the best of luck with her new job and her new men man. Stay tuned for a guest post from her!

M and T - M and T are my favorite couple in the world. And for whatever reason, we have been following each other around the world. We met in Shanghai when we all lived there, but have managed to party together in Hong Kong, San Fran, Paris and Amsterdam. I don't think that I could have survived London without M and T. They are true friends and we have had many great adventures. And before I get all choked up again (I just said bye to them), I'm going to remind myself that I will see them very soon somewhere - I'm sure...

The Writer - I know. I only met him once. But boy got in my head! And I'm still thinking about him. And wishing that he didn't have a damn girlfriend! Ok, secretly I'm fantasizing about him breaking up with her and declaring his love for me and moving to Boston (or hell, I'll come back to London). But I'm kind of realizing that is not very realistic. But hey, a girl can dream!

Sexy British accents - While I didn't manage to score me a British guy while I was here, I do admit that I have a weakness for the accent. I regret that I'm not bringing some sexy British guy home with me!

The Eurostar - 2 hours by train to France! Can't beat that. Sadly, I only jumped at this opportunity once while here (a wild weekend with M and T) but still, I liked knowing that I could be in France in just two hours without having to fly.

The proximity to other European cities - London is so central it's easy to get anywhere (although I do passionately hate Heathrow Airport). I'm really going to miss taking weekend trips to Spain, France, Italy, Sweden...

Harrrod's - This is the best store in the WORLD! I love Harrod's. From it's amazing food department to the million pound pool table in the antique section it truly has an wide range of selection. It feels like a museum than a store. I could spend hours there.

  

Guy Fawks Day - "Remember remember the 5th of November..." This is a good holiday! I have no idea really what this holiday is about. But I remember there were lots of fireworks. And alcohol. Yes, lots of alcohol.

It's a big city - London is a big city. A vibrant city. Full of endless opportunities. I liked this. Unfortunately, I did not get to live it up here as much as I wanted to due to my long hours and heavy job-related travel.

It's a walking city - one of the things that surprised me most about London is just how walkable it is! You can literally walk through the whole city and have a very pleasant experience. I find Boston is not a great walking city... It's much more of a driving city (and kind of a hellish driving city at that - infamous for its one way roads that are randomly laid out in a severe lack of urban planning).

The nightlife - London has great nightlife! Even for a 30-something like me. I will miss the good old Valmont club that I frequented often. But also Kensington Roof Gardens, Amica... and various others.

The pub culture - As I mentioned before, I think the pub culture here is great and I love that each pub has its own special cozy character.

Free museums - I have to say that I didn't take London up this fantastic offer as much as I should have. The museums here are free and that's kind of awesome!

Byron Burgers - There is a restaurant here called Byron - it's a chain actually but a really really good one. And I seriously think that they might have the best burgers in the entire world! My colleagues and I would go there every Friday. So, if you are in London, be sure to have a Byron Burger. I recommend the Cheese Burger with gruyere and add portabello mushroom and avocado. Yum! (Drool).

Black Cabs - London Black Cabs are epic! They truly are the best in the world. So big and comfortable with seats for 5 people. And for the most part, the drivers are nice and friendly and have GPS so there is no driving around lost.

Observations on Living in London

Now that my departure from London is very imminent, I feel that I should take the opportunity to share some of my observations on London.

Besides, I've been doing some pretty emotional blogging lately, so I think it's high time to lighten up a bit.

Observations on Living in London...

The bathroom light switches - for some reason rather than being proper wall mounted light switches, bathroom light switches tend to hang from a flimsy string that you pull.

Scones and clotted cream - when I first heard the words "clotted cream" I can tell you that this did not sound like something I wanted to eat. Nor was I a big scone fan - dry hard little things that they are. But I have to say that Scones and clotted cream may just be heaven on earth. Go ahead indulge yourself over afternoon tea. Just don't do it too often. Clotted cream is not quite so good for your waistline!

Beans for breakfast - A traditional English breakfast or a "fry up" as they call it involves beans. It's actually kind of good. Try it.

S instead of Z? - And just what is wrong with the letter Z? What is it about this letter Zed - as they call it - that keeps English people from using it. So instead of organization it's organisation. Weird. I prefer to keep my Z's thank you.

The change situation - the change (as in the coins) here is seriously messed up! It took me ages how to figure out how to use the change and it still confuses me. In a perfect world, coin sizes should be aligned with the value of the money. So, your largest coin should have the largest value and the smallest coin should have the smallest value. But here your 10 pence coin is bigger than both your 1 pound coin and your 20 pence coin (although at least the 2 pound coin is indisputably the biggest) and your 5 pence coin is smaller than your 1 pence. And they have a weird 2 pence coin. It's impossible! (I know that the American coin system is not perfect - but it's really just the dime that messes it all up).

Council Tax - So, not only do you pay exorbitant rent, on top of it you have to pay like another 100 pounds or more a month to the "Council." And if you forget to pay it, they don't even remind you that you have forgotten, (and of course you have forgotten because you are American and you were traveling and you forgot about this Council thing) they just send you a summons to be on court on a certain day! Believe me. I've been there. Done that. But luckily, I worked my American girl charm (and paid the balance in full) and avoided a session at the British courthouse.

TV license - you also must have a license for your television here. Even if you do not have cable (or Sky TV or whatever they call it here). Even if you do NOT watch television. You must pay the TV license. I'm kinda a rebel, so I didn't do it.

Pay more to eat at the restaurant - it is a very strange fact that many restaurants (especially of the cafe variety) actually charge more for food when you EAT IN the restaurant rather than "take away." How weird is that? I have never seen that anywhere else. Not even in totally illogical countries like China. In fact, many (like Cafe Nero where I went this morning) have everything listed with separate prices for whether you eat in or take away. I guess that sitting at a table is a premium service in this country!

Member’s clubs - Here in London, most of the night clubs are Member's clubs. Which is supposed to mean that you need to be a  member to get in. I have never once met anyone who is actually a  "member" of any club however. It is actually pretty easy to get into these Member's Clubs just by going online and filling out a form to get yourself on a guest list (and then paying the entrance of course). The only annoying aspect is it takes the spontaneity out of the night as you need to plan in advance.

Obsessiveness over gas/electricity meters - My gas and electricity meters are very popular! It feels like once a week someone wants to come and check them.  

Indian and Irish call centers - I know that we live in the world of outsourcing but whenever you call any kind of customer support here, you are inevitably transferred to a call center in India or Ireland and you spend most of the time one the phone feeling highly irritated and asking them to please repeat themselves! I keep having to remind myself that they are actually "speaking English." And me being me, I inevitably end up giving them a lecture on the fact that since their accent is very very strong, it would be good if they could "please SPEAK SLOWER and ENUNCIATE MORE." I'm pretty sure they all appreciate this tidbit of advice and put it to good use.

British English vs. American English - Where oh were did American and British English decide to divide? I’m not sure but it seems that when it comes to clothing we have a big difference. Here are some British English translated to American:

• trainers = sneakers
• pants = underwear
• track suit bottoms = sweat pants
• gym kit = gym clothes
• trousers = pants (do not say pants here, it means underwear)
• jumper = sweater
• bathing costume = bathing suit

They drive on the wrong left side of the road -  But apparently, this is hard for many tourists because (luckily) most crossings are clearly marked with arrows telling you which way to look before crossing.

The Cars! - All I can say is WTF? The other day I was walking just 2 blocks in Chelsea and on those two blocks a saw 3 Porsche's, a Ferrari, and a freaking Aston Martin! This is oddly normal here. And people just leave that shit on the road. And it seems to be fine!

The dirty drinking culture - I have to say it, the Brits are dirty drunks! I have never seen anything like it. Not only are they loud, rowdy and sloppy, they also seem to get completely drunk (or pissed as they would say) at a very early hour, they also tend to lie in the streets (often in their own vomit). I know. It happens to the best of us sometimes. But I've never seen it happen so much as it does in this country!

The cost of living - The cost of living in this country is exorbitant! It's the cost of your apartment that is the most expensive especially when you add on bills and council tax and gym rates etc. However, I find the cost of food and alcohol - in both the grocery store and in restaurants to be much cheaper than in Sweden. But the fixed cost here is so high that it doesn't even begin to even out. Basically, you should not live in London unless you make a ton of money. Otherwise, you will be poor. I am sadly a lot poorer now then when I arrived (my poor savings got depleted as I tried to keep my champagne drinking lifestyle here).

Pub Culture - There is a BIG pub culture here and I love it. It feels like it's preserved from the "olden days" when villagers used to congregate at the pub (or basically any other time that warrants a good old pint). Today, people go to the pub after work for a pint and on Sundays for a traditional Sunday Roast. There are many pubs in London and I'm amazed that they are all very quaint and charming. I love the pub culture!

Anyone else have any observations on London? What have I missed? What do you think is funny about this culture?

Week in Review

Hey Y'all. Well, things have been pretty busy. And I've been busy reading lots of other blogs. So much so that I have not been keeping up with writing my own!

So, just in case you have been wondering what I've been up to, let me give you a little "week in review."

These are some of the things I did this week:

Celebrated Bank Holiday Monday with a Sleep in - that's right, this Monday was a bank holiday here in the UK. For me, that meant sleeping late - although this was unfortunately rudely interrupted by the appearance of my House Cleaner who decided to give up her Bank Holiday to clean my flat - which was actually kind of nice...

Continued to Celebrate Bank Holiday Monday with Brunch, Shopping and Drinks with M - I met M and T for brunch at my favorite brunch restaurant - a very American Style dinner called Chelsea Bun (if you are craving pancakes, waffles and omelets, look no further than this awesome place). We started the day with a Bloody Mary - yummy! Then T had to go into work so M and I continued the afternoon with shopping followed by more drinks at The Botanist

Found out from M that my Ex Boyfriend is now engaged - That's right. You heard correctly. THE EX BOYFRIEND. The Scottish Ex Boyfriend. The one I dated off an on for four years (I have not blogged about him yet but those of you who know me know exactly who he is) is engaged to the girl he started dating after me! Ugh. I can't say this devastated me - a fact that I'm kinda proud of actually. It's been a long time since we broke up.... Also, I never imagined that him and I would get engaged so I guess that makes it hurt less. But still... It made me think and it made me a little sad. I guess I always thought I would get engaged first. Ok. I will be more honest. I guess that a small part of me still thought that maybe one day we would get back together. His getting engaged seems to close the door on any future relationship between us - in fact, I would say that door is now locked up tight (which is probably a good thing). And of course I'm working on a blog post around this subject, so stay tuned for the details at a later date.

Suffered the Back to Work Blues on Tuesday - it's always tough to go back to work after a long weekend. Tougher still when you are feeling a bit unmotivated in your job. I am leaving my current position at the end of September. I will stay within the same company but switch products and divisions completely. So, I'm at the tail-end of my "phase out." Having been with my current product for 6 years, this is a big deal. I enjoy being at the center of things, making key decisions and watching them pan out. It's been strange to hand over my responsibility and watch other people start making decisions around me. It's very weird to plan for next year and know that I will not be there. And it's hard to realize that I'm no longer important or involved in things... Yes. It does seem that just like everyone else, I'm very replaceable (something I've always been aware of - I'm not that egocentric - but the reality of it is harder than the theory).  In general my job is important to me and I get so much satisfaction from working and the contributions I make, so suddenly having things slow down has been strange, depressing and demotivating. I've been having a tough time with the transition (although I fully realize this is totally my decision)... But enough about that. I try not to blog much about work but sometimes it's inevitable.

Went to an Offsite Meeting in Cambridge - As I have mentioned before, my job is kind of awesome and we often get to do cool things in cool places. So, rather than having another meeting in the London office, we went offsite to Cambridge for a 2-day meeting.

Went Punting on the River in Cambridge - This is a must do if you are in Cambridge. Basically you get on a long flat boat and someone "punts" you down the river which involves sticking a long pole in the river and pushing the boat along. It's very relaxing and according to our guide can be quite hilarious during the weekend when the punts are full of drunk students. The scenery is beautiful and historic as you wind down the river right through Cambridge University and past such historic buildings such as King's College Chapel.

Had Dinner at Jamie Oliver's in Cambridge - The atmosphere was great! And our big round table was perfect for a team dinner. But, I found the food mildly disappointing. The price however, was not bad at all. If you are in Cambridge and looking for a nice place to eat, I would give it a go (but I do not recommend the fish in a bag).

Received another unsolicited Email from the Beautiful Swede - Yup. He's back up to his old tricks of trying to contact me. He wants to be friends. He would love for me to write him back. Yadda Yadda... It always bothers me when he writes to me because then I start to think about him again and struggle with whether or not I should write him back. As I have mentioned before, despite his attempts to contact me, I have not spoken with him or written to him since Christmas. I'm just not sure what the point would be. We were not friends before we started to date. I'm not sure we can be friends now... But sometimes I do really want to contact him. I want to tell him what I've been up to in these past months. I want to share the exciting changes in my life with him. I want to hear about what's going on with him. I miss talking to him. I hate to admit it, but I still think of him every day. And I unfortunately still care about him more than I want to admit (do not worry, I have no disillusions of ever getting back together with him). But that means that if I were to talk to him, and he were to talk about his current life this would inevitably mean talking about his current girlfriend... and at this point, I realize that this would probably make me sad and upset. So, this is kind of why I don't go there. I'm still not cool with the fact that he moved on so quickly and I'm well still "looking for Mr. Right." 

Realized that after way too much summer indulgence in food and alcohol, my clothes are not fitting exactly the way I would like them to - So, I guess that means it's definitely time to kickstart a refocus on having a healthy lifestyle and getting back in shape: start hitting the gym and running more, push myself harder when working out (I still continued to work out often this summer but didn't really push myself), eat healthier and forgo those oh-too-often glasses of wine (I seriously think that alcohol and french fries are my true downfalls). Ugh. I'm not really looking forward to this. But it needs to be done! I hate feeling out of shape.

Met my Personal Trainer - See above point (I'm off to a good start). That man freaking kills me. Seriously, it's 4 days later and I still can't move my arms without immense pain. But as they say - "No pain, no gain." Although I'm still a bit miffed that I actually pay lots of money to allow someone to inflict physical pain upon me. Now, if only the results would make themselves known soon!

Thanked God it's Friday - I was very very happy to see Friday arrive. It was a busy day at work though as I had foreign visitors to take care of. After work I went for a run in the park with a colleague (see above points - aren't you impressed that I'm making good on my promise to work out more - although it would have been slightly better if I didn't eat pizza tonight and french fries and nachos yesterday). Then I had a quiet night in spent catching up on Jersey Shore Episodes and various blog reading.

Hosted a Fabulous Chelsea Pub Crawl - On Saturday I hosted a Pub Crawl! I've been wanting to participate in a pub crawl since arriving in London and as my days here are limited, I decided to throw one. To keep it simple, I decided that we would stick around the Chelsea area.* We started at 14:00 at The Phene and were supposed to end up at the Botanist around 23:00. The idea was to go to 12 pubs and have a drink at each. The turn out was pretty decent although most people chose to pop in and out along the way. It was just me and my Sexy Single friend A who made it through from the beginning until "almost" the end (see next point). Although most people stayed through the first 6 or 7 pubs. All in all it was a good time! I kept track of how much people had to drink via a complicated process of awarding different types of stickers. At the end of the night I even handed out awards for the one who stayed the longest and had a drink at most places (Sexy Single Friend A took this one) and also for the one who did the best at trying to catch up despite joining late - this went to American Boy J who joined us late but took lots of shots to catch up. And also to the ones who tried to cheat by using one score card for two people - this was of course M and T.

Made an Executive Decision to Cancel the Pub Crawl - After dinner, everyone (including me) started to drag and many of the early joiners had dropped off. We made it to the 10th pub around 10 pm. For some reason this pub was as miserably hot as a sauna. It was then that I made the executive decision (I was the organizer after all) to leave the pub, cut the crawl short (we had two more pubs to go), and head back to my house for more drinks of course! By this time we had lost a lot of people but gained a bunch of others. We were about 15 people who headed to my house (much to my neighbors dismay) cranked up the party music, opened some bottles and caught a second wind!

Went Clubbing and Danced all night - And after a long day of drinking, what else is there to do but continue on for a night of clubbing! So, we went back to Valmont again! With a big group this time. Unfortunately, there were no hot boy to sweep me off my feet this time. But it was ok anyway, I had fun dancing the night away with friends!

So, that was my week in review. What did you do this week? Any good stories?

As for the week ahead, I'm off to Stockholm from Wednesday to Sunday. I will meet my team there and say goodbye to them (this will be my last trip in professional capacity). I have big plans with the Swedish girls this weekend, but for various reasons, I can't reveal them yet. Stay tuned for the sure-to-be-amazing details coming at you next week!

And let me end this post by asking for your advice. So, what do you think? Should I email back the Beautiful Swede? Or just let it go? Do you think we can be friends? Can you ever be friends with your Ex? Is there any reason to be?

Have a great week!

XOXO

*In case you want to "borrow" the pub crawl route that I invented for this weekend's fun. Here is the route for the Fabulous Chelsea Pub Crawl:

1. The Phene
2. The Cross Keys
3. The Pig's Ear
4. Cadogan Arms
5. Henry J. Beans
6. Trafalgar (dinner was here)
7. Sydney Arms
8. The Builders Arms
9. Chelsea Potter
10. The Phoenix (we ended the crawl here so didn't make it to the last two)
11. The Queen's Head
12. The Botanist

Words of Wisdom

So, common sense should dictate that the day after the full out raging work summer party, IS NOT the best time to test the fire alarms in the building! Seriously. This morning, while everyone was looking a bit worse for the wear and the office was eerily quiet as everyone tried to nurse their hangover and keep a low profile. When suddenly, weeee ooooo weeee ooooo weeee ooooo - various alarms begin to ring throughout the building. This goes on FOR ONE HOUR! I’m pretty sure that me and everyone else either wanted to die or wanted to kill someone. Whose great idea was that? I mean COME ON!

Speaking of words of wisdom...

There is nothing that qualifies me to give advice to anyone else. But I just felt like writing down some inner wisdom's that I hold to be true. What words of wisdomn do you have? Comments appreciated!

Family and friends are the most important things in life. Happiness comes from your relationships. Family and friends are your connections with to the world.

Sometimes when you are really tired and only have an hour, going for a run is better than taking a nap.

Everyone looks better tan.

When you are feeling sad, pat a cat or a dog - pet therapy really works.

Everything is better when the sun is shining.

Singing in the shower will put you in a better mood instantly.

You should always have fresh flowers in your house.

If you want people to celebrate your birthday, throw a party for yourself - don’t wait around hoping to be surprised.

Time does heal everything but unfortunately knowing that doesn’t help when you are stuck in the moment of pain.

Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes it takes us awhile to figure out what that reason is.

Take the road less traveled - as Robert Frost says: it will make all the difference.

You should always make your bed before you leave the house if for no other reason than the fact that it’s so much nicer to get into a nicely made bed at night rather than a messy one. Actually my host mother in Costa Rica gave me the best reason for making your bed: Bugs get into unmade beds she said. I have made my bed every day since!

Buy expensive sheets with a high thread count. It makes a huge the difference. Your bed should be a wonderful haven for beauty sleep and fabulous dreams!

Follow the rules but know when to break them. Rules are made to be broken.

Try to be a good person. At the end of the day, that’s what matters most.

Don't be afraid to be Glamorous! Embrace your inner glamour as much as possible and always try to look and be your best.

It's always better to be overdressed than under dressed.

Try to live in the present and enjoy each moment. And don't get too focused on the destination - in the end it's the journey that counts.
Money is important but not that important. Money is made to be spent. Live, spend, have fun. But do make sure that you have some money put away for a rainy day (aka - savings).

Someone once said something I believe to be very true: Life is defined by the places you visit, the people you meet and the books you read. Everyone should try to read a lot, travel as much as possible and make new friends but be sure to keep the old.

Spend time on your relationships with friends and family and those who matter to you. They are important. Email and call old friends. Keep in touch with people you care about. It will make you happier and in our social media world, there is no excuse not to. It’ so easy!

Reality TV can give you a nice break from “reality.” Watch it. But do watch television sparingly. At the end of the day, it’s better to live life than to watch it on TV.

Work hard but be sure to play harder.

Don’t be afraid to try new things. In the end, you will only regret the things you DIDN’T do.

Happy Thursday everyone! I hope you all are looking forward to the weekend as much as I am!

Smögen with the girls

Hi Y’all. So, I’m back from my latest great adventure. Did you miss me? I missed you!

Let me start by saying WHAT AN ADVENTURE these past 2 weeks have been!

I don’t know where to start.

Although South Africa is on my mind having just returned today and visions of lions and zebras (oh yeah - I saw both) are dancing in my head, I guess it’s most logical for me to start with the girl’s trip to Smögen.

And let me start by saying that my Swedish girlfriends are totally awesome. No seriously, they rock. I have never met a group of nicer kinder girls! And on top of that they are all cute too! The best thing is that we travel together at least once a year and amazingly we never ever fight. They are so drama free. It’s very refreshing. I love hanging out with them. This year our annual girl's trip was even more important for me because I don’t get to see them as often now that I live in London.

The only sad thing about the trip is that my oldest Swedish friend (and the reason that I know all the other girls) was not able to come with us this year due to the fact that she recently had a baby. We really missed her!

The other sad thing was the weather. It was oh so cold and rainy the whole time in Smögen. But we didn’t let a little grey weather spoil our fun. Oh no we didn’t!

Let me remind you that Smögen is a small harbor town on the west coast of Sweden. And it’s a major stop on the summer party sailing scene. Swedes are pretty big into sailing and one of the cool things to do is to rent a sailboat (if you don’t have your own) and go out for a week or 2 with a bunch of friends stopping at all the party spots along the route.

As we weren’t able to devote a whole week to sailing, we decided instead to drive the 7 hours from Stockholm down to Smogen (8 girls in a mini bus) on Thursday morning and stay until Sunday and hang out, catch up with each other and of course, party!

Despite the long drive, the rain, the cold weather and the very tight fit in our rented house, we still managed to have a super weekend!

I think the best way to explain the weekend is to revert to list format. So, here we go:

Things that happened in Smögen 

We pre-partied on a sail boat. A BIG sailboat. The first night in Smögen was the best night. It was the night that most of the sailboats came in as it was the place to be on the sailing route. I had mentiond to a Swedish colleague (who I do not know that well) that my 7 girlfriends and I were going to Smögen and he was like “well, me and my 7 boyfriends will be there as well. Come and join us on the boat for pre-party!” Well, ok! And so we did. And it was so much fun. My colleague and his friends were great hosts. They were a very international crowd of young professionals and therefore very interesting to talk to. And he had a particularly cute friend who was Swedish but lived in Dubai...

Blame it on the rain, but I totally had to kiss the cute friend of my colleague. The cute friend of my colleague and I exited the club together into the absolute pouring rain! There was nothing to do except run to his boat which was nearby. By the time I undid the strappy high heels I was wearing, and managed to climb over the boats moored together to get this his sailboat (note to self, do not wear hard to take off high heels when partying on boats -especially iu the rain it's impossible to walk across boats in high heels so you must take the off), we were completely soaked. I’m not sure why being barefoot and soaking wet on a sailboat wuld lead to kissing, but he was cute, so it did! And by the way, he was a good kisser. Admittedly, it was just a bit awkward when my colleague (who I did not know very well) came home later and caught us and laughed at us. I should note that he had been encouraging us all night so I think that he was laughing in a good way - let’s hope!

The girls surprised me with a spa day! I told you that they are awesome! The last time I was in Sweden, they had a birthday dinner for me and had given me a card with an IOU for a birthday gift in Smögen. But then they didn’t say that much about it. On Friday morning we were all feeling terribly hungover from the previous nights party but the girls told me that we were going to go swimming (in the ocean). I went along knowing that there was no way I would swim in the cold ocean on this cold rainy day. We did dip our toes in the cold water. But I was totally fooled. Until we walked into the hotel, I had no idea what we were actually doing! But it was a nice spa with a pool and hot tub and of course a sauna and we had a very relaxing day. The perfect remedy for a hangover.

I got a hot stone massage from an 18 year old boy. Before you jump to conclusions, this was actually a gift from the girls and the 18 year old boy was a certified (I checked) masseur at the spa. 18 is even too young for me. the hot stone massage was a new experience and not something I would have necessarily picked for myself but it's good to try everything once. I’m not sure I would do it again. But the whole massage situation was made slightly hilarious because this 18 year old boy who was giving me the massage, basically proceeded to talk to me the whole time while rubbing hot stones all over my body. So, it was kind of awkward and not that relaxing. But definitely an experience. It would have been a better experience and definitely more fun to blog about if he had been a totally hot and hunky 18 year old. But unfortunately, he truly looked 18 with the spots and the awkwardness to go with it. However, he seemed like a nice boy with lots of potential cuteness and I do think that he will grow out of it and become a heartbreaker someday. Maybe I will check up on him when he is 23 (that seems to be my lower age limit).

We ate so much amazing seafood! Smögen is famous for it’s seafood. We ate lots of shrimp, lax, crayfish, crab, and fish soup. The only thing that was oh so good but also oh so not good at the same time was the aioli. Shrimps in Smögen are uusually consumed dipped in aioli. I love aioli. I could eat it plain. And eat it I did. A lot of it. The problem was that it was not so conducive to kissing meeting men.

Seafood market

 

Räk Mackor (Shrimp sandwiches)

Dinner at the house

We ate this amazing sandwich called landgård! It has shrimp, crayfish and lax all on a piece of bread. Seriously this was the most amazing thing I have eaten in a long time. And we had fish soup on the side. Yum!

 Landgård = Yummy!

We enjoyed walking around the quaint town of Smögen and checking out the small shops. Seriously, how beautiful is this place:?

We partied with lots of boys boys boys... The best part about being in a sailing town was the fact that the guy girl ratio was way off. There were so many boys! And so few girls. My sexy single friend H and I were the only single gals in our group and we got lots of male attention. So much so that it was almost not really a good thing. Especially the first night when I was hanging out with the cute Swedish friend of my colleague. He seemed irritated by the boys grabbing me - it was irritating. I enjoyed the attention at first but it got annoying quickly. 

 A scene from a Smögen nightclub: lots of party! And lots of BOYS!

BOYS, BOYS, BOYS

Of course here was a little fun boy drama. And for once it wasn’t my drama. But my Sexy Single friend H who had the drama, has agreed that I could share her funny story. After the nightclub one night, H and I were for some reason sitting on the bench outside the nightclub. And of course due to the dispraportionate ration of boys to girls ratio as mentioned above, we did not manage to sit alone for long. H started talking to kissing this guy who flat out told her that he had a girlfriend but that he really wanted to kiss her anyway. I guess H decided that the girlfriend was his problem and that kissing on a bench was harmless enough. The drama ensued the next day when we went for lunch and the guy and his girlfriend were sitting at the next table! Ooops! The guy had forgotten to mention that his girlfriend was actually WITH HIM. We all had a good laugh about this. The always calm H, thought the whole thing was hilarious and didn't seem phased at all. We did joke about her going up to him and his girl and introducing herself as "the girl from last night.:" But, we aren't really that mean. We left the guy alone. Although poor girlfriend. Someone should tip her off that her boyfriend's a creep.

I met a boy who wanted to make me his partner in crime. Literally. While my sexy single friend H, was talking to kissing the boy on the bench with the girlfriend. Another boy was speaking to me. At first glance, he seemed like a very good looking boy. But he soon proved to be crazy. Literally. This was basically how our interaction went:

First we had a very annoying conversation that I tend to have often with very annoying Swedish men which involves me convincing them that I really am American (usually by showing them my American driver's license) and them still doubting me and thinking that I'm really Swedish and just pulling one over on them. I should have walked away then because the conversation continued to detriorate from there:

Him: Let’s commit a crime. I’m feeling crazy tonight.

Me: What do you mean? (realizing that he MIGHT really be crazy but still hoping he is joking)

Him: I mean, I want to rob a bank or something... Do something crazy.

Me: Well... I don’t see any banks around... (fortunately)

Him: Let’s rob a store then (tries to kiss me)

Me: (pushing him away) Sorry buddy, but my crime committing days are over. This one is all you.

Him: No seriously. Let’s rob a store together. I want you to do this with me. C'mon!

Me: I don’t see any stores around anyway... but if you feel like committing a crime, I’m not going to stop you... I’m not going to participate either.

Him: C’mon. I need a partner. (Tries to kiss me again with way too much force)

Me: (Tiring of the conversation and him forcing himself on me) See ya. (Grab sexy single friend H and run away from the crazy guy).*

We danced and danced and danced. The dance party started at the house fueld by glasses of rose and then we continued dancing each night in the clubs on the watefront. The second night, we went to a plac with a particularly good DJ and managed to find a small stage in front of the air conditioning unit to dance on. It was so much fun - although we had to keep getting rid of annoying men who wanted to join us - beat it boys! This was a girls’ night. The following songs will forever remind me of summer 2010 - if you don’t know them, check them out:

• Stereo Love
• Alors on Danse
• We Speak No Americano
• Dancing on My Own - Robyn
• (One) Your Name - Swedish House Mafia 

We had a great time with great friends. We all missed the party in Visby a bit. But it didn’t matter where we were because we were all together and that was what mattered. Thanks for yet another great weekend girls. You are the best! Krammar!

*I swear that this ridiculous conversation really happened. In fact, it lasted for around 10 minutes and was even more ridiculous than I managed to represent here - but I had also consumed high quantaties of rose wine so my memory did not allow me to take down the full 10 minute conversation so this is just a high level recap.

Internet Dating Don'ts

So, all this free time has inevitably sent me flying back to Match.com. This is rather unfortunate since I’m still not really impressed with the men there. But what else is a girl to do. Does anyone have any recommendations for a better dating site?

In fact after just a two days of aimless browsing on the site, I’ve been inspired to write a dating profile DO NOT DO list. Boys please take note:

1. Do not choose a stupid username. Examples of stupid usernames are: artyfartymarty, joeybigmac, chunky_a, eating_p, bum_licker (I admit I made the last one up, but the rest are real)!

2. Do not post 10 pictures of you without your shirt on posing in front of the mirror. I DO NOT CARE if you’ve got abs like The Situation! It still feels like you are trying way too hard. I would rather be pleasantly surprised later on if it gets to that...

3. Please please do not write that Dan Brown is your favorite author. WTF! I swear that 2 out of every 10 guys swears that Dan Brown is their hero. Ugh. This tells me that they haven’t read any other books in their life. Might I also suggest that you do not list The Game as your favorite book?

4. Do not give excuses as to why you are on this site. We all know why you are here. Making excuses or offering any kind of explanation at all just makes you seem lame. Get some confidence and get on with it!

5. Do not post pictures of you with lots of other people so that you can’t tell which one you are.

6. Do not post more than one picture of your pet. It’s just weird.

7. Do not post only one picture. Especially if that one picture is of a well-known celebrity and OBVIOUSLY not a picture of you!

8. If you are ugly old and fat do not email girls like me. Seriously. I’m totally out of your league! I also specifically state in my profile that ugly old and fat men need not apply!

9. Do not post pictures of yourself holding a gun (and no I do not care if it’s a toy). It’s not macho -it’s just scary. You would be surprised at how many men do this!

10. Ok. I get it, you are a fun guy. You like to dress us and go to “fancy dress” parties as they call them here in London. That’s great. One picture, MAX two of you wearing some kind of costume show that you are down to earth, like to have fun and aren’t afraid to let loose and be silly. Any more than that start to hint at the fact that you might have some serious issues. And let me add - there is never ever any reason for you to put up a picture of yourself in an animal suit. Sorry boys. Just don’t do it.

11. Do not write me emails that say that even though you do not meet a single one of my requirements (i.e. you are fat old and ugly) you still can’t help but feel that we are actually soul mates and I should give you a chance anyway. Let me tell you: Not. Going. To. Happen. In the real world of old fashioned dating, I guess it would be possible for me to overwhelm me with your wit and charm and dazzle me so that I do not care if you are old and fat and ugly. But let’s face it, this is the online dating world and pictures and pre-set criteria do matter!

12. Do not continue to spam me with emails when I have not replied to a single one (usually because you are fat and ugly and old). Get the HINT! Do not make me break up with you before I have even exchanged a single virtual word with you!

13. Do not try so hard to be different! Emails like this:

im pleased to annouce that you have won an all expenses meal of your choice at either Mcdonalds or Burger King. So whats it to be a Big Mac or a Whopper?.

...are just obnoxious and move my finger to the delete button faster than you can say “french fries” (especially if you are old and fat and ugly).

14. C’mon boys - you all say that you are looking for the full package - that ever elusive combination of looks and brains but those girl are going to be hard to get if your grammar and spelling is like this:

Hey girl, on your profile you sound like an all round pain in the ass, lol, would'nt be suprised iff you're alright really, would be greatfull iff you gave me your honest opinion of my profile, X.

Use spell check! And don’t say such stupid things. And YES, I am an all around pain in the ass! But it’s probably not your best pickup line. Use your noggin boy!

15. If you make less than 50,000 GBP do NOT post your income - keep that to yourself. Match gives you the handy option of not replying to questions that might not make you look that good. So, don’t reply. In fact, I think posting your income is cheesy! Why do it at all?

16. Do not ask me to email you at your personal email address because you are either too cheap to pay for a Match subscription beyond the free trial, or too cool to renew your subscription. Sorry boys - you get the DELETE!

17. Please please do not write me emails that consist only of “How you doin” Ugh. I will absolutely not respond to that. In fact,do not include those words anywhere on you profile - especially not as your tagline!

18. Do not try to make excuses for your profile picture. In fact, do no put up pictures that you have to make excuses for in the first place. And if you need to make excuses because you are that fat old and ugly, pleas revert to rule number 8. To prove my point... One guy just wrote me this little note:

My profile pic may seem mean and moody BUT im really, really NOT like that. When im taking the pic i cant do fake smiles. If we ever meet then you willsee how much i smile and laugh :0) So please dont judge from the profile pic!

Why oh why would I want to write him back?

19. I just had to come back and edit this post and add a number 19 to the list because I was surfing on Match and I found a guy who lists Twilight as his favorite movie and Lady Gaga as his favorite music and yes, his profile did specify that he was searching for women and there was not a hint of sarcasm elsewhere in his profile, so I think he was pretty serious. Boys, we like your feminine and soft side - but only once we get to know you. Do not reveal these things on your profile. It's not cool!

And just to prove that I’m not totally mean and cold-hearted (I’m just picky), I will end this with a positive comment This message that someone sent me yesterday was kinda sweet in an ego-boosting kind of way:

Ok - and now I just have to say that this was kind of sweet although this guy falls into the old fat and ugly category (by the way, old is 35 and over - check out my dating strategy for more info on my “type”).

Hey 3 guys here surfing our mates match for the best looking girl for him and weve all agreed on you ;) If you think you can handle us drop as an email back ;)

I think I can handle him... but I’m sure he is fat old and ugly obviously can’t handle me so I will not be responding to him. Sorry. But sweet email. Nothing like a little ego boost!

This one was kind of cute too:

You look absolutely gorgeous. I know it sounds terribly cheesy, but I'd kick myself if I didn't tell you.

I know I'm 1 inch too short and I just don't look good in heels. So I'm screwed.

But at least I can now I can now go to sleep with a clear conscience.

Ok. Enough complaining. I'm back to the online dating world now to write back that sexy PE teacher and see if he wants to be my London tour guide.

Adios!

A Nantucket Wedding

So, I totally owe you all an update on my Nantucket weekend. I’ve been focusing a lot on settling back into London life (more on that in the next post), so this has taken me a long time to write.

I’ve decided to go with some top ten lists - which somehow became top 9 lists (I seemed to have ran out of steam there on each list), as this is obviously my favorite format to blog in. So, here goes...

Top Nine Amazing Things about my Nantucket weekend

1. The wedding - B, one of my oldest friends (our friendship goes back to the diaper years) got married to D - a great guy! And they sure did it in style! B of course was an absolutely lovely bride and I have to say that D did make a very handsome groom. And they had great weather and a great location and of course, great guests! All in all it was a beautiful wedding and I wish them a life of happiness. Congratulations B and D!

2. The Clam Bake - Weddings these days are never just one day events. I see this as a good thing. More time to catch up with people you do not see enough. This time, the wedding festivities began with an awesome clambake. And this clambake was a lobster one -see picture! Lobster, clams, potatoes, chicken, sausage, corn - YUM! The clam bake was in a beautiful location - a private home the groom’s family rented in Tom Nevers. Everyone had a nice time although the dinner was served quite late and people were totally boozing it up in the meantime. By the end of the night everyone was totally hammertown. Fun but sloppy!

Yummy Lobster!

3. Hanging out and Catching up with old friends - I got to spend some more time with S and K who I have mentioned before. S and K are old old friends. We don’t go back quite as far as me and the bride B, but almost. I met K when I was about 6 and S when I was about 7. So we all go back like 25 years. Kind of cool. All of our group that grew up together from our small town has stayed close. As S says, the fact that she joined our school in second grade has always made her the “new kid.” Even 25 years later we still point it out that we have not known her as long. Obviously this is kind of ridiculous. But it just shows what kind of bond we all have. We sort of know everything about each other - even the things you wish no one knew. But it was great to catch up and spend time with S and K.

4. The Boat Ride - S’s friend from NYC has a house on Nantucket. And he very nicely invited us out on his boat! It was a beautiful sunny afternoon - a bit too hot to be on the main land, but PERFECT for boating! We cruised around the island checking all the big houses, we saw some seals, we soaked up some sun, drank some wine and we waved hello to John Kerry - for real: see the picture below if you don’t believe me.

Hello John Kerry!

5. Quaint New Englandness - No matter how far you travel, you can never escape your roots. I am a New England girl. Fact. There is no escaping it. And Nantucket is the epitome of quaint New Englandness. The cobblestone streets, the rocky shoreline, the lighthouses - see below, the cute little boutique shops, lobster, clam chowder, steamers...

6. The Bouncers - Apparently, Nantucket is a place where underage drinking is highly pursued. Therefore, the Bouncers at the clubs strictly enforce ID checks for most people before you can enter a bar. I am proud to say that my ID was checked carefully every time and one of the times, the guy actually said to me: “Congratulations! You look way younger than you actually are.” Needless to say, I was kind of stoked about this.

7. The LOBSTER - I heart lobster more than any other food (besides nachos). I can eat lobster every day and never get sick of it. As if to prove this point, I did have lobster 4 days in a row - first at the Clam Back, and then as an hors d'oeuvre at the wedding. Then as an Indian dish and then my dear Mom made it for me as a going away dinner. Did I get sick of it? No way! If I could eat lobster right now, I so would. Unfortunately, I’m in London and I only eat microwave dinners here.

8. The Weather - The heat wave continued and Nantucket had lovely weather. In fact, it was hot. In general, Nantucket is a place where you always need that extra sweater. But actually, this time - no sweaters needed. Luckily, in the South of the island where the wedding was held, the weather was a bit cooler otherwise we would have actually been too hot! We even used the AC at night!

9. The Boys - Actually, despite the bad dressing (see top not so amazing things about Nantucket below), the boys on the island were actually kind of hot...

Top Nine Not So Amazing Things about my Nantucket weekend:

1. The price tag - It was a great weekend, so I’m not really complaining. But I’m glad that I am no longer a cash strapped college student, that’s for sure. $65 for a return ferry ride. $60 for parking for 3 nights. $400/night for a hotel room (with a 3 night minimum).

2. Khakis - They should be illegal. Nuff said.

3. Feeling like a Foreigner - Despite being a New Englander, I felt a bit like a foreigner the whole weekend. I’m just not used to being in the US. It’s so different from Europe! Different dress, different music, different manners and customs. I have obviously been away for too long since I feel uncomfortable in the US now. And I couldn’t help comparing this island weekend to other island weekends in Europe - see list below.

4. Not Being Rich - I couldn’t help but feel a little bit of envy when scoping out the 30 million dollar “summer” homes. I mean, I do ok for myself... but that is ridiculous. I mean ridonculous!

5. The only Cute boy was taken - So the bride B has forever been talking up this boy that is friends with her now husband. She really wanted us to meet. She even introduced us on Facebook and we exchanged several messages. But unfortunately, he managed to find himself a girlfriend just in time for the wedding. As B dramatically said: “He ruined everything!” Despite the fact he had a girlfriend, I was still a bit curious to see what he looked like. I’m not going to lie, I doubted the ability of B to pick out a guy for me. Although we have been friends since we were babies, she has met very few of my boyfriends since I’ve been living abroad. But, I am pleased to say that B was right! He was hot! Damn the fact that he was taken.

6. The Skinny Jeans Conversation - The dinner conversation somehow turned to the topic of skinny jeans. I live in Europe! Who DOESN’T wear skinny jeans? But the entire table proclaimed their hatred for skinny jeans and as fashionista S was on the dance floor, I was left alone to defend skinny jeans! It was just one more reminder of how hard it’s going to be to move back to the US. Also let me note that I'm not a fan of Brooks Brothers or Lily Pulitzer either - and I have already expressed my feelings for Khakis in a previous statement... so basically I was having a bit of trouble dealing with the Nantucket fashion...

7. Getting really sunburned - We made a mistake in not bringing or buying sunblock. Unfortunately, this mistake was not realized until we were settled in at the beach soaking up the sunshine. We were highly aware of the no sunblock fact however and decided that we would only stay on the beach for an hour. That hour might have extended to an hour and a half - max. But oh man did we get burned. Unfortunately, as sunburns tend to do, it only showed up later when we were at the wedding. So my body felt like it was on fire all night and all the pictures show me looking like a big red ugly lobster. I will not forget sunblock again!

8. The Foreign Staff - Oddly, all the staff in Nantucket were foreigners: Irish, Eastern Europeans, Jamaicans. This included all wait staff, the DJ at the wedding, the babysitters (for the children at the wedding), and the taxi drivers. Weird. Although it was explained to me that Americans do not find it worth it to live on Nantucket and work (too expensive to live and save) and the actual island kids have such rich parents, that they do not need to work. Thus, the foreign staff who apparently live in dormitory style housing somewhere in the middle of the island. Now, you all know I love me some foreigners. But what I DO NOT LOVE is foreigner's ideas of acceptable service levels. As you know, I do like the American mentality of “service with a smile,” and “the customer is always right.” Therefore, I was not impressed with the Eastern European waitress who for whatever reason would not allow us to order another plate of calamari as the “kitchen would get mad.” Not only did she loose out on that order, we also gave her a reduced tip and left the place frustrated. I would not recommend this place to my friends either. So take that you mean waitress!

9. Crying through the wedding ceremony - What is is about seeing one of your oldest friends getting married that turns on the tears? I totally lost it right at the beginning when the Justice of the Peace told B’s father to “kiss your little girl” before he turned her over to her husband-to-be. That started the tears aflowing - let me tell you. It didn’t help that the bride cried all through the wedding and that I was sitting in the front row. Thank God I had remembered to bring tissues. My other girls were also crying although I did notice that most others had dry eyes! It seemed to have been just us!

Top Nine Comparisons between Nantucket and Gotland*

1. Both Nantucket and Gotland are islands

2. Nantucket is way more exclusive than Gotland - and WAY more expensive!

3. Champagne - In Nantucket, champagne is to be drank, not sprayed by brats

4. Cobble stone streets - both have them although the Nantucket cobblestone area is much smaller than the massive area in Visby

5. Preppy Dress - New Englanders invented the preppy dress style. But Swedes perfected it. Last summer Swedes seemed to reinvent preppy borrowing from classic New England but making it really cool. Guys were all about boat shoes and sweaters over the shoulders. But there wee no khakis except slim fitting ones in pink and blue and green. And there were definitely blue button down shirts, but there were absolutely no T-shirts underneath (that is totally America style). I have to say, the Swedes do preppy better!

6. Rose - In Gotland Rose wine is definitely the drink of choice... I’m not sure what a traditional Nantucket drink would be, but Rose was nowhere to be found unfortunately (actually, we did have some Rose bubbly)

Cheers!

7. The party - Gotland wins hands down! The summer months turns this Medieval village into party central when all the brats from Stockholm take over. It's now being called one of the top ten summer party destinations in Europe. It’s so much fun! Nantucket does ok, but nowhere near Gotland!

After beach at Kallis

8. The shopping - Nantucket wins here! Lots of cute little boutiques all over the place! I always felt like the shopping in Visby was kind of lame. But in Nantucket, you better be prepared to drop some serious cash. It is not cheap.

9. Quaint New England vs. Medieval village - Nantucket is very quaint New England, but Visby is a very quaint and very old Medieval village with a beautiful wall surrounding it built sometime in the 12th century. Let me point out that is WAY before America was born.

The wall surrounding Visby in Gotland Sweden

*Gotland is a Swedish island in the Baltic sea to the south of Sweden. The capital is Visby which is a a well-preserved medieval city that every year turns into a crazy party city for Stockholm's elite during week 29 and 30. I have gone 5 years in a row with my Swedish girlfriends. I couldn't help but compare my Nantucket adventure with my Swedish Gotland adventures.