New Year's Eve

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New Year's Eve and I are not really friends. Every year I dread this night as I listen to friends make fabulous plans and realize that I don't have fabulous plans of my own. Every year I fret about what to do and who to do it with, what to wear... and almost every year it comes down to the last minute and I have no real plans.

And unfortunately, New Year's Eve is also a couples night. If you are in a relationship, you obviously hang out with that person. For those of us not in a relationship... well, New Year's Eve becomes much harder.

But seriously? Is New Year's Eve not the most hyped up night ever? I mean at the end of the day, it's just a night like every other night. But for some reason, there is this need for it to be perfect, and memorable and magical and whatever other bullshit adjective you can think of.

I've had some good New Year's Eves in the past... although not many. I often spend the night with my brother and I have to say that I always have fun with him. When we were children we used to spend it with our "Other Brother" (i.e. the son of my parent's best friends who we spent lots of time with as children). They would get us a baby-sitter and buy us party hats and decorations and the poor babysitter would then have to deal with us running around the house and making noise until after midnight.

Memorable New Years including ringing in the New Year with my brother in San Fransisco which was fun because I made him buy like $100 of NYE party decorations just like when we were little and we drank LOTS of champagne and the best part was "Other Brother" was even there to celebrate with us as he lives in San Fran (you might remember his wedding this summer) so it was just like old times but with alcohol which obviously made it more fun.

I have also rung in the New Year in New York City with my brother and the Beautiful Swede where we spent way too much money on a hotel room and a party although I still kind of think it was worth it cuz it was reall fun.

There was a New Years' spent in China with the Scottish boy. Let me tell you - Sooooo anti-climactic since Chinese do not even celebrate it. We actually were in a taxi when it turned midnight although we didn't notice until later. I then proceeded to sleep for 2 hours on the bar (jet lag - I had arrived from the US that morning) and then get in a massive fight with the Scottish boy for allowing me to sleep in the bar for 2 hours rather than doing the right thing and taking me home. "You were having fun!" he said.

I spent a much better New Year's with the Scottish Boy in Scotland where we stayed in a castle (this was my first experience staying in a castle long before this became a regular occurrence in my life - seriously, I have stayed in at least 3 castles in the last 7 months - although obviously those days are over as there are no castles in Boston) Actually, this was probably the best New Year's Eves ever as we just stayed in and had a cozy fire and the Scottish boy cooked me a romantic dinner (and I pretended to help) and then we had champagne and took a bubble bat - bubbles and bubbles: my favorite combination.

Last year however was a tough one as I was still getting over the Beautiful Swede who had been nice enough to inform me that he "really missed me" but he had a date for New Year's Eve (this was exactly 2 days before I decided never ever to speak with him again), so I spent New Year's Eve moping, missing him and being the only single person at a couples party in Connecticut.

This year I thought about totally skipping New Year's altogether. Flight tickets for Sweden were too expensive and with a project launching at work, it wasn't really an option. And as most of my friends these days seem to be married and having kids and even my single partner-in-crime I'm Attractive Single Friend C had a date with a guy nicknamed McSteamy (seriously, who has a first date on New Year's Eve - that's I'm Attractive Single Friend C for you though and from what I hear it was definitely steamy), I once again had no plans.

Luckily a new friend, Gorgeous Single N, invited me along with her friends who were planning to go for dinner at Harvard Gardens.

And since Gorgeous Single N was nice enough to let me borrow her friends for the night, I decided to invite the group over to my apartment to pre-game it before going to dinner (luckily I was not too hungover from my escapades the night before). Of course, as this was New Year's Eve, I decided that this should be a classy affair with shrimp cocktail and champagne (because that's how I roll). So, a random group of New Year's Eve single misfits gathered at my house. We were a motley crew for sure as many of us observed throughout the night. While some of our group new each other closely, most of us knew just one other person. It was all a bit random but that's what made it all kind of fun.

One of the women brought a huge bag full of party hats and decorations and noisemakers. She called this "flair" which I've never heard it called before but I thought it was a fantastic name! And I was so happy since it reminded me of New Year's Eves past. I LOVE "flair" and I'm usually the one to bring it but had forgotten about it this year so I was really glad that someone else had thought of it. 

Example of "flair"
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Highlights of the night include:

• Walking into Harvard Gardens wearing our New Year's Eve party hats and "flair" and making lots of noise with noisemakers so that everyone else was starting at us
• Our table that was literally "created" for us on the dance floor so we were literally sitting in the center of a busy restaurant (this was due to us booking late and continuing to add more people)
• Being the loudest and the most obnoxious table at the restaurant with all our noisemakers and party favors
• Bringing our own New Year's Eve Centerpiece with us to the restaurant (courtesy of me from a NYE party I hosted in Sweden - yes, I apparently carry party decorations around the world with me).
• Handing out noisemakers to the children at the table next to ours (I'm sure their parents were thanking us)
• An engaged man in hot pursuit of a girl in our group (Seriously? Are all men assholes? Or are all men just totally stupid? I mean why announce right off the bat that you are engaged then pursue her all night? At least lie!) 
• A whole slew of boring men that took turns talking to the girls in our group including the obnoxious investment banker and the over-enthusiastic marathon runner whose goal in life was to run a marathon on all 7 continents
• The unfortunate appearance of Gorgeous Single N's ex-boyfriend (there was no stalking going on, just a sad coincidence - I mean who wants to be stuck at a bar with your ex on New Year's Eve)
• The fact that Gorgeous Single N's ex-boyfriend has been such a jerk to her that several girls in our group had to go up and give him a piece of their mind and stick up for their girl(he was a big JERK - so much so that I might have to blog about it later when I write an inevitable blog about why all men are assholes)
• An unmemorable count down with no fun boys to kiss at midnight
• The appearance of a cute boy later who made up for the lack of kisses at midnight
• An after party at my place (further endearing me to my neighbors I'm sure)
• Having a fun night with other single people

And while I can't say that it was the best New Year's Ever, I can say that it turned out to be a random and fun night and I made some new friends. Thanks to Gorgeous Single N and all her awesome friends for making it so great!

Happy New Year to everyone! I'm looking forward to hear how you spent the end of 2010 and what you have in store for 2011!

Clearly this next week will be about reflections and resolutions. Stay tuned!

XOXO

The Making of An International Woman of Mystery Part III: Europe

This post is about The Making of an International Woman of Mystery.

Making an International Woman of Mystery is not an easy job. And it's a long process. Therefore, this is a long story. To read Part I: The Early years, click here. To read Part II: Asia, click here.

So, The Company moved me back to Boston and I was happy. And I had some days off between the two jobs so I did what any normal person moving to a new place does: get a car, get an apartment, start to get settled.

And then I started my new job. And on my very first day, my new manager called me into his office. And I took one look at his face and I said "Oh no. You are going to ask me to move again, aren't you?" You see... I was starting to get to know The Company quite well by now, and I knew that "look." I had also been given a small hint that the job in Boston might not be a long term reality. In China, just as all my bags were packed and I was set to get on the plane to Boston, the President of our entire division emailed me and said "International Woman of Mystery, what do you think about Sweden?" And of course, I responded "Sweden sounds like a nice country but I prefer Boston. Thank you very much."

But that email tipped me off and as a result, I knew it would only be a matter of time before I was asked to move again. I just thought I might have a little more time...

So my manager said "We want you to move to Stockholm." And I said "No." And of course, as is The Company's procedure, he refused to take no for an answer and hinted that if I didn't accept the job in Stockholm, I would soon be jobless. So he says "Just fly to Stockholm and meet with the The President and see what you think." Well, who can refuse a free trip to Stockholm? Besides, I had many Swedish friends who I had been wanting to visit anyway.
 
Now, I must reveal that my The Company is in fact a Swedish company. So, I had spent the last 4 years working with Swedes and therefore had quite a few Swedish acquaintances and one really good friend JT who I worked with in both Boston and China. And while in China, JT's friends and family had come to visit and I got to know them a bit. And her friend F and I really hit it off. And I was a little bit involved with a Swedish man (a story I will NOT get into). And I had been thinking about going on a trip to Stockholm - perhaps at New Year's. But neither them nor I ever imagined that it was even a possibility that I might MOVE to Stockholm!
 
But somehow just two weeks later (less than a month after leaving China), I found myself on a plane to Stockholm for "a visit." JT had left China at the same time I had and was going to do a bit of a world tour before returning to Sweden, and she was not even back in the country when I visited, but luckily the Swedish man was there to welcome me.
 
And somehow The Company managed to convince me to move to Stockholm - mostly by going all out to show me a fabulous time during my visit and offering me a spot on the management team and a job totally awesome that I couldn't refuse.
 
And so just a little over a month after returning to Boston, I packed up again and left my apartment and car (and all my furniture - as my parents refused to pick it up less than two months after dropping it off) behind in Boston and I took of for Stockholm. And this trip that was initially meant to be 5 months, somehow turned into 5 years! But I'm getting ahead of myself.
 
While JT and friends were very surprised (pleasantly so) to find I was moving to Stockholm, they rolled out the red carpet and welcomed me with open arms and tried to make me feel at home. In fact, I realized later that I was very lucky indeed to have the foundations of a great friend group in place when I arrived. Being a foreigner in Stockholm can be very hard. Swedes are notoriously cold and not very open to meeting new people.* Most foreigners move to Stockholm for love and find it difficult to make friends. Over the years many foreign female "love refugees" struggling to find a friend group, have expressed to me their envy of my large and awesome group of friends.
 
But still, in the beginning it was hard. for me too - although hard to say just how hard because my perspective has shifted. I now look back through rose tinted lenses - colored by my amazing experiences and the positive people I have met over the years. It's difficult for me to see Stockholm as it was when I first arrived.
 
But, I do remember that my overwhelming memory of Stockholm when I first arrived is that it was DARK and cold. The winters in Stockholm are not actually as extreme as Boston (they don't get as cold) but they are very very long (while Boston is more short and intense). I had literally gone from laying out in the sun at my parent's pool right to the airport to get on the plane to Stockholm And when I arrived in Stockholm, I was shocked to find that already in early September it was winter. I had packed a suitcase full of summer/autumn clothes expecting Stockholm to have the same warm autumn as Boston. I realized right away that was a big mistake! The first thing I did was go to the store and buy a scarf and a winter jacket!

Living in Stockholm was not easy. It was not like China where the cultural differences are so huge that it made it ok to just do your thing and not really attempt to adapt to the culture. In China, I expected not to fit in. I felt comfortable with my "foreignness." But in Sweden there were so many subtle differences that took me years to learn.

There were just so many small things to master like eating the European way with fork and knife remaining in each hand (not the switching hands shovel-food-in-your-mouth American way), or learning to be humble and to lower my loud American voice, or respecting the very strict rules regarding doing your laundry in the communal apartment laundry machines (seriously, the laundry room is a big source of contention often resulting in huge shouting matches between neighbors), or understanding that if you do not get to the liquor store between 10 and 15:00 on Saturday, that you will not have any alcohol for the weekend (so you had better make it a point to schedule this in), or making sure to always take off my shoes when entering someones home, or bringing my own alcohol with me to a party, or bringing my own bedsheets and towels with me when I'm going to spend the night at a friend's house, or realizing that it's a compliment when your friend buys the exact same dress as you and that if you and 3 of your friends end up wearing the same black H&M dress on the same night, well that's perfectly fine!

But I guess I did ok with mastering some of the subtleties. My friend's mom recently commented that when I first arrived in Sweden I seemed "so American" but now I seem "so Swedish."
 
While in Stockholm, I truly became an International Woman of Mystery. Sweden was country number 4 for me (5 if you count the US). And in addition to living internationally, my job required a lot of international travel (which I swear sounds a lot more fun than it really is). I traveled for work to such places as: Budapest, Moscow, St. Petersburg, Malta, Miami, Madrid, Barcelona, Milan, Rome, London, Cambridge, Shanghai, Beijing, Bangkok, Paris...

I even had a very crazy 2 years when I first moved to Stockholm where I actually SPLIT MY TIME between Shanghai and Stockholm and had apartments in both places. This was due to my working situation at that time which caused me to need to be constantly back-and-forth, and truthfully I didn't mind because I had the Scottish boy in China and my friends in Sweden and a great job that just happened to be in both places. But eventually I got tired of spending my weekends on airplanes and all the traveling back and forth eventually wore me out. But then my job changed so I started to spend the majority of my time in Sweden (with lots of travel to other places for work of course).

And the longer I stayed in the cold dark cozy city of Stockholm, the more I really started to love it! My girl group expanded from 3 friends to around 10 close friends plus at least 10 other friends who I would regularly go out with. The girls and I partied in Gotland every summer for Stockholm's veckan. We got together on most weekends and often during the week. We went to Latvia together for my 30th birthday. They became great friends to me that I know I will have for life. I got over the fact that eating out at restaurants was not that much fun (and way too expensive) and started to love having people over for dinner or a pre-party or going to another friend's house. I even got into the Eurovision song contest and from time to time would find myself dancing to schlager music without totally hating it. I started to prefer Euro Dance music to hip hop and even learned to dance properly to it. I had a great very central apartment in the city where I hosted lots of epic parties (much to the dismay of my neighbors). I learned to embrace the darkness and light lots of candles to make your home cozy and warm during the winter. I partied at the nightclubs Cafe Opera and Berns. I participated in the fun Friday "after work" culture (in the US I think we call it Happy Hour). I totally loved traditional Swedish foods like herring, salmon, toast skagen, Calle's caviar, pepparkaka. I always felt welcomed home when arriving at Arlanda airport and breathing in the wonderful scent of kanelbulle. I celebrated the long summer days by staying out all night long. I learned to appreciate the cold Baltic sea after a long hot sauna (even in the winter). I never ceased being amused by the Swedish dinner drinking and singing culture, but I learned to sing along to the popular snaps songs. My favorite holiday is now Midsommer (I would trade Thanksgiving for it any old day).

But because I had moved to Stockholm at the whim of The Company and not at my own whim... And because when I moved to Stockholm, I really wanted to live in Boston. And because I had been living abroad for a long time and was a bit curious about what life in the US would be like... Moving back to the US absolutely remained an open question in my mind and therefore I never felt completely settled in Stockholm. I always felt that I was "about to leave". But it never seemed like the right time. I sometimes felt that I was waiting for some kind of clear sign that it was time to go home. But it never came. I would go home and visit (with the increasing sense over the years that I fit into American life less and less) but I was always very glad to return to Stockholm. After awhile, I even stopped being homesick for the US. Without even realizing it, Sweden had become my home.
 
And then I turned 30 and I started to panic a little bit about my life. 30 is kind of a benchmark isn't it? I mean you start looking back at your life and wondering if it measures up. If you are where you are supposed to be and doing what you are supposed to be doing. Was this international life in Stockholm the life for me? Would it be better if I moved back to the US? Would my career be better? Would I earn more money? Would I be happier? Would I have found the "man of my dreams?" Should I move back and find out? Or do I want to stay in Stockholm forever? And is that even a possibility?

And while up to that point, my international life had been super fabulous and I had no regrets, I realized that maybe there were other things I wanted to do too. And although I always saw myself as an International person, I suppose that I also saw myself as a person who might one day get married and have children. And I sort of began to realize that my exciting international lifestyle wasn't really conducive to a "family life" and if that was something I wanted, I might need to make some changes.

Eventually I managed to calm those thoughts and started to lean toward staying in Stockholm on a more permanent basis. I began to realize that I had a pretty great life right where I was: I was dating the Beautiful Swede, I had a great job, I had great friends...

And of course it was at just this time that The Company announced that we were moving to London.
 
There was no other choice - the announcement coincided with the worst job market in recent history. It was London or bust.
 
So, one year ago, I moved to London.**

And although it wasn't exactly what I wanted to do, I tried to take on London and see it as my next new challenge. I oft a fabulous apartment in the fantastic neighborhood of Chelsea. I drank pints at the pub after work on Fridays. I ran a lot in  Battersea Park. I embraced the London clubbing nightlife. I hosted a pub crawl. I went to trendy restaurants. I saw musicals. I loved shopping at Harrod's. I jogged along the Thames. I paid my council tax. I marveled at the amazing cars lining the Chelsea streets. I ate fish and chips. I became addicted to Byron Burgers. I went partied on drunken boat trips on the Thames. I tried to date British men. I started to use British words more than the American ones (it was just easier). I went out to the countryside. I watched a Cricket game. I had Sunday roast at the pub. I drank buck's fizz. I ate full English breakfasts. I got well acquainted with Heathrow...
 
But I confess that I have not been very happy this year. Not in my job and not in my personal life. And although I have done many great and interesting things this year, my overwhelming feeling is that I spent too much time working too hard and getting too little out of it, too much time feeling homesick for Sweden (and missing the Beautiful Swede) and feeling lonely without my large group of friends, and too much time feeling that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time (a feeling I had never experienced so intensely before). So, I decided it was time for a change.

This is the final installment of "The Making of An International Woman of Mystery." Thanks for reading my wordy story. Please stay tuned for "The Next Chapter" where I reveal to you what's happening next in my life. Big changes are once again on the horizon for this International Woman.

*I have to say that this was not my experience in the least. I found Swedes to be warm and open and welcoming. But my foreign acquaintances had a different story. But again, I had that initial friend group that really helped me settle in. I will say one thing about Swedes though, once you break down the initial barriers and get to know them, they will be your friends for life.

**My blog begins in February although I briefly look back to December and January so this this blog actually captures most of my year in London - although not the painful few first months

I heart Stockholm

So, last week I got the pleasure of spending some time in my favorite city: Stockholm*. Seriously, I heart Stockholm. In fact, my heart hurts when I visit because I miss living there so much. And I would move back in a heartbeat (ok - I've now said heart three times - I think I will stop now as I'm annoying myself)... but unfortunately, this is not possible right now. This makes me very very sad (but more on this later).

The trip was a little bit about work and more about fun - just the way it should be!

I arrived early evening on Wednesday and I had just enough time to run into H&M and do some serious damage to my poor bank account.

You might be wondering, why would I go shopping in Sweden when I live in the best shopping city in the world? I was wondering the same myself... But the sad truth is that I have become very Swedish (at least that's what I'm told). When I first moved to Sweden I couldn't understand why H&M was on every single corner. I also hated the fact that there was not a larger "selection" of clothes or shops. I found the shopping boring it irritated me that everyone wore the same thing.

So, now I live in London where there is a whole big bad city out there with tons of things to spend your hard earned money on, and you know what? I prefer shopping in Stockholm. Go figure. But, it's easy to shop in Stockholm. Stockholm stores are limited, but they have all the things I want. There is no searching through racks trying to figure out the latest trends. In Stockholm, it's all there in front of you. And yes, the population and the dress code is pretty homongenous but Swedes are extremely fashionable as well as attractive and I swear it feels like you are in a photoshoot everywhere you go.

A non-Swedish friend of mine described it as like "being in the twilight zone. It's just too perfect to be true. But the scary part is, it is really that perfect." Well said my friend. He didn't particularly like living in Sweden (he only lived there for one year). After 5 years living there, I have learned to love it. Actually, I think it took leaving Sweden to give me some perspective make me realize just how perfect Sweden really is - and just how Swedish I had managed to become!

Oh Stockholm... oh how I'm going to miss you.

After my impromptu shopping trip, I met an old colleague/friend for a glass of wine at Anglais and then we moved on to Vapiano for fabulous pizza and more glasses of wine and lots of catching up. It was a lovely evening... which I immensely regretted (at least that 4th glass of wine) the next day when I woke up with a headache.

Of course being the crazy person that I am, I decided that I would not let a little wine headache get between me and a lovely morning for running (seriously it was a gorgeous day). So, I ignored the pounding in my head and threw on my running shoes and went out to pound the pavement for an hour run in my most favorite park Hagerparken - where I used to run every day when I lived in Stockholm. Let me just say that this obviously did not help my headache which proceeded to haunt me all day until - well... until I started drinking again!

After work my fabulous Stockholm team brought me for drinks and dinner to celebrate the fact that I'm leaving my current job for a new one. They surprised me by bringing me to Wallmans Salonger where we saw a dinner show made up of songs written by Bjorn Ulvaeu and Benny Andersson (most famous for being part of ABBA but also for composing 3 musicals the most famous of which is Mama Mia).

Those Swedes sure do love their ABBA. I have to say that after all the time I spent in Sweden, ABBA has grown on me, but I still find that I do not know most of the songs and certainly cannot sing all the lyrics like most Swedes can. Anyway, the show was a lot of fun and it was a great night!

Friday started with another wine headache but this time I decided to skip the run. Another great day at the office and then back to Diplomat for more drinks with colleagues. We then headed to Anglais for more drinks. What else?

And GUESS WHO I SAW at Anglais? You got it. The Beautiful Swede was there!! The thing is that he had been on my mind since landing at the airport. Last week after writing about him, I had a very vivid dream about him where he met me at the airport and tried to force me to talk to him. I had this strong feeling that I would inevitably see him in Stockholm - it's a small city and you spend your life there bumping into people. So, I unfortunately found myself looking for him everywhere. Searching the faces of any tall handsome men (believe me there are a lot of those) to make sure it's not him.

I promise, I did not WANT to see him or interact with him, but I could not help looking for him. As if by searching for him, I could be sure to avoid him.

Anyway, many people came out to meet me at Anglais (I have great friends) and we were standing by the main door (and I was keeping half an eye on the door kind of waiting for him to walk in - I even commented  to my friends that I was nervous about bumping into him) when suddenly one of my friends suggested that we move over to a different part of the bar (it's a big bar). I thought it was a bit of a strange suggestion but didn't dwell on it. And by that time I'd had enough wine that I swear I'd finally stopped thinking about him. About 45 minutes after we moved, out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a tall beautiful guy with a familiar face walking fast headed toward the second exit caught my eye. It was him!!! The Beautiful Swede!

AHHHHHHHHH! My heart stopped beating and launched itself into my throat. I felt nauseous. I forgot how to breathe for a second and my legs started to shake! Panic! What do I do?

So, what did I do? I did what any girl in my position would do. I ducked down and covered my head with my hands protectively and hid in the group of girls who instinctively surrounded me and I closed my eyes - as if I closed my eyes then he wouldn't see me either! When I finally dared to stand up again and started to breathe, I realized that he had just headed to the exit and it seems that he did not see me. I had a friend check that he was really gone (he was). And I eventually regained my cool and went on with the night. I wasn't going to let a little ex-boyfriend siting ruin a night with my friends. However, I still can't believe that he was there and even more unbelievable is the fact that we managed to avoid an interaction! Amazing.

My friends admitted that they had seen him earlier and that was why they suggested we move away from that side of the bar. They didn't want to tell me he was there because they didn't want me to either decide to leave or decide to speak with him (I think I would have left) so they hoped that we would not bump into each other.

With that tragedy narrowly adverted, we continued on to Undici for a night of dancing to bad Schlager music and getting hit on by old Swedish men (there was some kind of private golf party going on so the place was packed with uninteresting old men and minor Swedish celebrities).

After a rather late Friday night, Saturday morning's 10 am meeting for the kick off of our friend J's hen party came way to soon! But I'm happy to say that I successfully made it there on time and without even a headache to show for my late night the night before!

In traditional Swedish fashion, my friend had been "kidnapped" at her house that morning by her two bridesmaids and then brought to meet us. I like the way the Swedes approach hen parties (and bachelor parties are apparently even more crazy) - it's always a surprise, it's always well planned and thought out, and it's always a full day and evening event with lots of activities designed to make your friend who's getting married feel special.

The rest of the day consisted of pony racing (which involved driving a cart pulled by a pony - see picture below) and belly dancing followed by a dinner at F's house and then off to the nightclub Berns for some clubbing.

My friend who is getting married had various tasks to do during the night. One of these tasks included finding and taking a picture of a Swedish celebrity. This is not hard to do in Stockholm, if you glance around almost any club you can always find some kind of B list Swedish celebrity.

The celebrity she found was named Torre Kulgren (see picture to the left)** - famous for being a "Geek" who tried to play football (and yes, I mean soccer) on a Swedish reality TV show. I have not seen the show but it was explained to me that he apparently became the star of the show because he was just so socially awkward and therefore hilarious.

For some reason, I started talking to Torre later in the night - I think this was in part due to my new BFF C who I had met at the hen party and was having an awful lot of fun with that evening. Anyway, Torre took a liking to me and tagged along with us for the rest of the evening. As my new friend C put it, "well you found yourself a pet." And I know that it's kind of mean to say that (I'm not really a mean girl), but that's the best way I could describe him.

Unfortunately, my new "pet" made it difficult to talk to other men. But that was ok I guess - it doesn't have to be about meeting hot boys all the time. Besides, I found Torre completely amusing (and nice) and he kept flattering me by telling me how cute I was. But, I have seriously never met such a socially awkward person! I wish I had been able to remember some of the really funny things that he said when he was not even trying to be funny (but alas the wine did me no help here). And you should have seen the world's most awkward hug goodbye he gave me at 4:30 in the morning when we finally left the club (yeah - I killed it this weekend with late nights every night). Leave it to me to find the most dorky man in Sweden to hang out with for the night!

All in all, it was a great trip to Stockholm. It always is. Although I didn't meet any hot boys or kiss any Swedish boys in the rain... I got to spend a lot of time with good friends. I'm going back to Sweden for the wedding in just 2 weeks. I can't wait!

*For anyone who has just started following my blog, I lived in Stockholm for 5 years until a year ago when my company moved me to London (a move I didn't want to make).

**As you may have noticed, I never use names or put pictures of people in my blog but as he's a minor Swedish celebrity, I have decided it's ok.

The End of Summer

It's official summer is over. Here in the UK the August bank holiday that marks the official end of summer here has came and gone two weeks ago. And this past Monday was Labor Day in the US - the official end of summer for Americans.

My question is where the hell did summer go? I feel like it just started yesterday!

And because I live in London, I think that I do have the right to bitch about the weather. So, let me start by saying this summer was a complete let down! Although it started off well enough. And the weather I had while on vacation in the US was amazing! I was expecting to return to London in mid-July to experience some nice warm summer days in London. Boy was I disappointed! It was rainy and cold in London all summer! Other than the 4 weeks I spent in the US, I feel like I had no summer at all. Boo!

Alright, enough complaining. Let's quickly review what I did this summer...

To start with, I hit up the wonderful country of Spain twice in one month - first Barcelona and then Madrid!

I watched the second Sex in the City Movie.

I stressed about my summer of weddings and what I was going to wear and how I was going to face all those weddings ALONE as a single gal.

I went to the first fabulous wedding in Sweden and where I kissed a younger hot boy. I saw a dear old friend get married in Western Massachusetts. I went to San Fransisco where saw my "other brother"  get married in the most over the top kick ass party non-traditional wedding of the year.

I chilled at home in the USA with my parents and their pets and thought a lot about Americans. I went to one of my oldest friend B's beautiful wedding on Nantucket where I got to dine on yummy lobster and catch up with old friends.

I spent some time on boats on the Thames. The first time, I got to DRIVE the boat. The second time I met a hot Swedish guy dressed like Chuck Bass.

I went for a fantastic weekend trip to Smogen with the girls where we ate lots of seafood and I kissed a cute boy in the rain.

I experimented with leaving Chelsea. I went on boring date with a Scottish guy from Match, but I had more fun dating myself. The best date however was with the sexy cop - but unfortunately, he wasn't that into me.

I thought a lot about what it means to be a foreigner and what men should clearly not do when Internet dating.

I also offered up some words of wisdom.

I wrote my first unfortunate drunk blog. I went clubbing and met hot boys.

I went on a totally awesome trip to South Africa and saw 7 lions while on a safari!

And after all that overindulgence and alcohol this summer, I decided that since my clothes no longer fit right, I need to hit the gym and therefore I started to see a personal trainer who makes me do really crazy things.

I also found out my Ex-Boyfriend got engaged! And the Beautiful Swede reached out to me again. I have not written him back though - I'm proud to say!

So, what does the autumn bring for this International Woman of Mystery? Well, funny that you should ask? Because MASSIVE changes are on the horizon. I mean huge. But more on that later.

Stay tuned for an update on my awesome trip to Stockholm.

Toodles.

Week in Review

Hey Y'all. Well, things have been pretty busy. And I've been busy reading lots of other blogs. So much so that I have not been keeping up with writing my own!

So, just in case you have been wondering what I've been up to, let me give you a little "week in review."

These are some of the things I did this week:

Celebrated Bank Holiday Monday with a Sleep in - that's right, this Monday was a bank holiday here in the UK. For me, that meant sleeping late - although this was unfortunately rudely interrupted by the appearance of my House Cleaner who decided to give up her Bank Holiday to clean my flat - which was actually kind of nice...

Continued to Celebrate Bank Holiday Monday with Brunch, Shopping and Drinks with M - I met M and T for brunch at my favorite brunch restaurant - a very American Style dinner called Chelsea Bun (if you are craving pancakes, waffles and omelets, look no further than this awesome place). We started the day with a Bloody Mary - yummy! Then T had to go into work so M and I continued the afternoon with shopping followed by more drinks at The Botanist

Found out from M that my Ex Boyfriend is now engaged - That's right. You heard correctly. THE EX BOYFRIEND. The Scottish Ex Boyfriend. The one I dated off an on for four years (I have not blogged about him yet but those of you who know me know exactly who he is) is engaged to the girl he started dating after me! Ugh. I can't say this devastated me - a fact that I'm kinda proud of actually. It's been a long time since we broke up.... Also, I never imagined that him and I would get engaged so I guess that makes it hurt less. But still... It made me think and it made me a little sad. I guess I always thought I would get engaged first. Ok. I will be more honest. I guess that a small part of me still thought that maybe one day we would get back together. His getting engaged seems to close the door on any future relationship between us - in fact, I would say that door is now locked up tight (which is probably a good thing). And of course I'm working on a blog post around this subject, so stay tuned for the details at a later date.

Suffered the Back to Work Blues on Tuesday - it's always tough to go back to work after a long weekend. Tougher still when you are feeling a bit unmotivated in your job. I am leaving my current position at the end of September. I will stay within the same company but switch products and divisions completely. So, I'm at the tail-end of my "phase out." Having been with my current product for 6 years, this is a big deal. I enjoy being at the center of things, making key decisions and watching them pan out. It's been strange to hand over my responsibility and watch other people start making decisions around me. It's very weird to plan for next year and know that I will not be there. And it's hard to realize that I'm no longer important or involved in things... Yes. It does seem that just like everyone else, I'm very replaceable (something I've always been aware of - I'm not that egocentric - but the reality of it is harder than the theory).  In general my job is important to me and I get so much satisfaction from working and the contributions I make, so suddenly having things slow down has been strange, depressing and demotivating. I've been having a tough time with the transition (although I fully realize this is totally my decision)... But enough about that. I try not to blog much about work but sometimes it's inevitable.

Went to an Offsite Meeting in Cambridge - As I have mentioned before, my job is kind of awesome and we often get to do cool things in cool places. So, rather than having another meeting in the London office, we went offsite to Cambridge for a 2-day meeting.

Went Punting on the River in Cambridge - This is a must do if you are in Cambridge. Basically you get on a long flat boat and someone "punts" you down the river which involves sticking a long pole in the river and pushing the boat along. It's very relaxing and according to our guide can be quite hilarious during the weekend when the punts are full of drunk students. The scenery is beautiful and historic as you wind down the river right through Cambridge University and past such historic buildings such as King's College Chapel.

Had Dinner at Jamie Oliver's in Cambridge - The atmosphere was great! And our big round table was perfect for a team dinner. But, I found the food mildly disappointing. The price however, was not bad at all. If you are in Cambridge and looking for a nice place to eat, I would give it a go (but I do not recommend the fish in a bag).

Received another unsolicited Email from the Beautiful Swede - Yup. He's back up to his old tricks of trying to contact me. He wants to be friends. He would love for me to write him back. Yadda Yadda... It always bothers me when he writes to me because then I start to think about him again and struggle with whether or not I should write him back. As I have mentioned before, despite his attempts to contact me, I have not spoken with him or written to him since Christmas. I'm just not sure what the point would be. We were not friends before we started to date. I'm not sure we can be friends now... But sometimes I do really want to contact him. I want to tell him what I've been up to in these past months. I want to share the exciting changes in my life with him. I want to hear about what's going on with him. I miss talking to him. I hate to admit it, but I still think of him every day. And I unfortunately still care about him more than I want to admit (do not worry, I have no disillusions of ever getting back together with him). But that means that if I were to talk to him, and he were to talk about his current life this would inevitably mean talking about his current girlfriend... and at this point, I realize that this would probably make me sad and upset. So, this is kind of why I don't go there. I'm still not cool with the fact that he moved on so quickly and I'm well still "looking for Mr. Right." 

Realized that after way too much summer indulgence in food and alcohol, my clothes are not fitting exactly the way I would like them to - So, I guess that means it's definitely time to kickstart a refocus on having a healthy lifestyle and getting back in shape: start hitting the gym and running more, push myself harder when working out (I still continued to work out often this summer but didn't really push myself), eat healthier and forgo those oh-too-often glasses of wine (I seriously think that alcohol and french fries are my true downfalls). Ugh. I'm not really looking forward to this. But it needs to be done! I hate feeling out of shape.

Met my Personal Trainer - See above point (I'm off to a good start). That man freaking kills me. Seriously, it's 4 days later and I still can't move my arms without immense pain. But as they say - "No pain, no gain." Although I'm still a bit miffed that I actually pay lots of money to allow someone to inflict physical pain upon me. Now, if only the results would make themselves known soon!

Thanked God it's Friday - I was very very happy to see Friday arrive. It was a busy day at work though as I had foreign visitors to take care of. After work I went for a run in the park with a colleague (see above points - aren't you impressed that I'm making good on my promise to work out more - although it would have been slightly better if I didn't eat pizza tonight and french fries and nachos yesterday). Then I had a quiet night in spent catching up on Jersey Shore Episodes and various blog reading.

Hosted a Fabulous Chelsea Pub Crawl - On Saturday I hosted a Pub Crawl! I've been wanting to participate in a pub crawl since arriving in London and as my days here are limited, I decided to throw one. To keep it simple, I decided that we would stick around the Chelsea area.* We started at 14:00 at The Phene and were supposed to end up at the Botanist around 23:00. The idea was to go to 12 pubs and have a drink at each. The turn out was pretty decent although most people chose to pop in and out along the way. It was just me and my Sexy Single friend A who made it through from the beginning until "almost" the end (see next point). Although most people stayed through the first 6 or 7 pubs. All in all it was a good time! I kept track of how much people had to drink via a complicated process of awarding different types of stickers. At the end of the night I even handed out awards for the one who stayed the longest and had a drink at most places (Sexy Single Friend A took this one) and also for the one who did the best at trying to catch up despite joining late - this went to American Boy J who joined us late but took lots of shots to catch up. And also to the ones who tried to cheat by using one score card for two people - this was of course M and T.

Made an Executive Decision to Cancel the Pub Crawl - After dinner, everyone (including me) started to drag and many of the early joiners had dropped off. We made it to the 10th pub around 10 pm. For some reason this pub was as miserably hot as a sauna. It was then that I made the executive decision (I was the organizer after all) to leave the pub, cut the crawl short (we had two more pubs to go), and head back to my house for more drinks of course! By this time we had lost a lot of people but gained a bunch of others. We were about 15 people who headed to my house (much to my neighbors dismay) cranked up the party music, opened some bottles and caught a second wind!

Went Clubbing and Danced all night - And after a long day of drinking, what else is there to do but continue on for a night of clubbing! So, we went back to Valmont again! With a big group this time. Unfortunately, there were no hot boy to sweep me off my feet this time. But it was ok anyway, I had fun dancing the night away with friends!

So, that was my week in review. What did you do this week? Any good stories?

As for the week ahead, I'm off to Stockholm from Wednesday to Sunday. I will meet my team there and say goodbye to them (this will be my last trip in professional capacity). I have big plans with the Swedish girls this weekend, but for various reasons, I can't reveal them yet. Stay tuned for the sure-to-be-amazing details coming at you next week!

And let me end this post by asking for your advice. So, what do you think? Should I email back the Beautiful Swede? Or just let it go? Do you think we can be friends? Can you ever be friends with your Ex? Is there any reason to be?

Have a great week!

XOXO

*In case you want to "borrow" the pub crawl route that I invented for this weekend's fun. Here is the route for the Fabulous Chelsea Pub Crawl:

1. The Phene
2. The Cross Keys
3. The Pig's Ear
4. Cadogan Arms
5. Henry J. Beans
6. Trafalgar (dinner was here)
7. Sydney Arms
8. The Builders Arms
9. Chelsea Potter
10. The Phoenix (we ended the crawl here so didn't make it to the last two)
11. The Queen's Head
12. The Botanist

Vacation To-Do List

I just returned from the most amazing Stockholm weekend. I have lots to write about it, but am too tired right now. Instead I leave you with my vacation to-do list (a post I had written already). That's right. I'm headed back to the good old US and A on Thursday. I have to work some the first week but I'm home in the US for a month and I plan to do some serious relaxing in between the following things:

Go to three weddings - that's right THREE weddings and even more important they are three weddings of three of my oldest friends. Two of them I have know since I was 3 and we all went to pre-school together. One wedding is in W. Mass and the other is on Nantucket. I'm really looking forward to catching up with my high school girlfriends who will also be attending. And I can't wait to see my old friends get married. The other person who is getting married is someone I have known since he was born. He is my parent's Godson and essentially my "other brother." He's getting married in San Fran and my family is flying out for the week. My brother is even flying home from Barcelona. Should be a good time - they are a fun and trendy couple and the wedding seems like it will be quite the social event. In other weird mentionable events... my parents and I will fly together to San Fransisco and it will be the first time in my life I have been on a plane with my parents. Weird huh?

Meet the American boy in Boston - Remember him? Well... I hope to see him again in Boston. And let's hope he's still single! Although I wouldn't be surprised if he's not. He's way to good a catch to be single for long.

Lay around at the pool and do NOTHING! My parents live in the middle of the woods and have an amazing huge pool. It's up on a hill and you can't really see the house or the road. The landscaping around the pool is very natural with lots of wildflowers. You are more likely to see a bear (seriously, a big black one walked right by me one day) then other people. It is the most peaceful place in the world and I love going home to my parents in the summer and just chilling at the lovely pool.

Turn off my computer and my blackberry - I have not really had a vacation where I have been able to do this, but this time I'm serious. Work be damned. I have worked like a crazy person all year and I'm taking time off! My usual vacation day consists of waking up at 7 to bring my dad to work so that I can have the car for the day, then I usually log onto my computer and start tackling my emails. Before I know it, I'm in one conference call and then another... And then it's more emails and suddenly it's 4:30 and I have to go pick my dad up at work. And I realize that I have not moved ALL day - nor did I really need the car! And then there was that memorable Christmas vacation where I spent the first Sunday morning of my vacation speaking for hours with my colleague while my parents tried to get me to come and spend time with them. Or last Christmas where the President of our company called me like 5 times a day during my first week off... So, this time I'm making it very clear to everyone. I'M GOING ON VACATION! DO NOT CALL ME AND DO NOT EXPECT ME TO RETURN YOUR EMAILS! I feel that if I say this enough times out loud to myself I will actually maybe enforce this rule. I have to say that turning of the Blackberry is going to be a tough one.

Catch up with great friends - the best thing about weddings is it makes it easy for you to see everyone at once. I will have a chance to catch up with school friends and old hometown friends. I can't wait.

Read lots! I love to read but lately have had trouble finding the time. So, I can't wait to catch up on some good books.

Figure out "what next" - shh.... don't tell anyone (that I work with) but I'm planning on making a major life change soon which may even include trading in my international jet set lifestyle and heading back Stateside. Although I would totally prefer to head back to Stockholm if possible. Since I have no time at all to think or figure out what next (my favorite and only fantasy of the moment is running away to Bali and writing a novel - I'm not sure how realistic this is), I plan to use some of my vacation time to do some soul searching and well... job searching.

Go to the gym and work out A LOT! This is always on the agenda when I'm on vacation. It feels great to do a little extra burning and toning while on vacation and you have a little extra time.

Spend quality time with my family. I love my family. I miss them. It's nice to see them. It will be fun to be in San Fran all together. I'm so glad my brother can make it. It will be our first family "vacation" since the Stockholm trip 2 years ago.

Get lots of "pet therapy." Since an International Woman of Mystery like myself sadly can't even manage to even keep alive a plant, pets (although I would LOVE to have one) are totally out of the question. But, my parents have two cats and one dog. One of the cats has some serious problems such as when you try to pet her or pick her up she squirts horrible things from her bottom that make you smell terrible for hours (he he - the Beautiful Swede Ex learned the hard way). I don't touch her anymore. But the other cat and the dog are great. The cat is black and called Batman. He is such a little lover. Actually, he's a total brat and hates new people so last summer when the Swedish Ex came home with me, he refused to surface at all. But this year the Swedish Ex is back in Sweden probably having babies with his new Swedish girlfriend. So, I will get to pet my cat. And then there's the dog Jacoby. He is really cute. He is still kind of new and we are still bonding (which is hard to do when we only see each other twice a year). But isn't amazing how smart animals are? He totally recognizes me and gets all happy and tail waggy every time I come home. So, I plan to spend lots of time talking to and petting the animals: pet therapy.

Take up a new hobby like Yoga or Pilates - seriously, yoga and pilates are always on my "to-do" list and as my body is getting older and my back is giving me more and more problems (although my awesome new Danish Physio therapist here in London has taught me how to stand and breath properly and this is making a huge difference). I wish I could see myself as one of those really toned spiritual women like Madonna... (and hopefully with a hot younger guy like Jesus although hopefully without the scary manly arms). But I can't. I'm sure I will try yoga and pilates and hate them. But I will try anyway. Wish me luck.... Maybe I too will be a convert.

Eat Lobster - I LOVE New England lobster. My mom is usually nice enough to make a home cooked lobster meal for me at least once when I am home (this is usually the ONLY meal she cooks for me when I'm home) - if I beg her enough.

Have my "favorite" day - my favorite day consists of going to the beach in Rockport, Massachusetts. And stopping at Amelia's to have fried seafood (scallops, clams fish) and french fries and onion rings. AND THEN having a peppermint stick ice cream with chocolate sprinkles at the Dairy Queen. Ok admittedly, the ice cream and the fried food don't go so well with the bikini. But it's my favorite day and calories definitely do not count on my favorite day! By the way, my favorite day derives from the fact that my family used to vacation in Rockport when I was younger so rather than having a week long vacation on the beach with my family. I settle for cramming it all into my on "favorite day."

Celebrate my Dad's 60th - that's right, the old man turns 60 on the Fourth of July (and every year he still thinks that all the Fireworks are just for him). This will most likely be celebrated in my family's true style with a pool party and a keg! Gotta love it!

Read other people's blogs - I find it fascinating to read other people's blogs and get inspiration for my own. Unfortunately, this is time consuming and it usually means that I find myself still awake at 3 am when I need to get up at 6 am.

Get more people to read my blog. I have decided that I need to pimp out my blog a bit more and get more people to read it. I have no idea how to do these things... So, I probably need to first spend some time researching and then doing some shameless self promotion. Hopefully I can also find some time to WRITE MORE as I have heard this is also a key factor in writing a successful blog - kinda makes sense I guess. If you have any suggestions for me or my blog - please let me know.

Try not to think about the Beautiful Swede... He came home with me last summer... It was fun until he broke up with me directly after (serious jerk). However, I secretly sometimes wish he was going to come home with me again. In other moments I'm very happy that he's not because I can do whatever I want and not have to worry about him. And at least my cat will come out and play as the Beautiful Swede won't be around to scare him off!

And of course, I'm going to blog more! So, stay tuned!

The Anticipation of Sex and the City

It's finally ALMOST HERE! The movie we have all been waiting for (well, at least since the first one). Sex and the City 2. Seriously, Are you as excited as I am?

Women everywhere have been gearing up for this even for the past few weeks and months: dreaming of Manolos and Jimmy Choos, spending money on beautiful dresses, ordering cosmos, gossiping about men with their girlfriends, using the word FABULOUS more than is really necessary. And the commercial cash-in has taken London by storm. It seems like everywhere you look there is a poster with 4 women modeling glamorous clothing. Every single page of every single magazine seems to be referencing SATC. And today I got at least 4 emails from different London venues totally promoting pre-SATC cosmos and something called a Hunk Martini.

Well, I'm going to see Sex and the City 2 with a sexy girl group next Wednesday. And I can't wait! And we are so totally going to rock pretty dresses and drink cosmos before. As you should!

Just watching the trailer gives me chills! If you haven't seen it, check it out!



Ahhhh!!! Isn't it great? I so can't wait to see what unfolds between Carrie and Big. And AIDEN!! I can't believe he just shows up!! Ok for real... how hot is Aiden? Out of all the guys Carrie dated, he was my favorite. I never really quite understood the attraction to Mr. Big or the Russian for that matter.

Speaking of ex's popping up randomly. The Beautiful Swede Facebooked me (yes, I do believe it's a verb these days) today. It was a stupid message to say he still thinks of me and that he hopes I have a great birthday (which is by the way still well over a week away and I will be in Stockholm for it - although he doesn't know that). The NERVE! I mean, we all know he has a girlfriend! Why is he still stalking me? LEAVE. ME. ALONE.

I have to say though, I'm quite proud of myself. Unlike last time, I didn't totally loose my shit. This time, I only spent 5 minutes composing answers in my head like "Who are you? I have erased you from my memory." Then I deleted the message and went to the gym. Ok. Ok. I lied. I didn't delete the message (I tried to but for some reason my finger wouldn't press delete - Bad finger)! But I did leave the computer and go to the gym (eventually). And I did not even spend the whole time taking my aggression out on the stairmaster and composing alternative responses in my head. Ooops. Lied again. Sorry.

But I digress - as usual. Back to the topic of the day (or at least of this blog): Sex and the City. The funny thing is that the first time I watched all the episodes (yes, I am a faithful fan and I have done the box set rounds at least twice), I was in my early twenties (imagine). And I have to say as much as I found it amusing and funny, I couldn't really relate. It was probably due to the fact that I was living in China, had a boyfriend and was insanely poor so fashionable clothes and Jimmy Choos were not even a thought on the horizon... But mostly, I was just YOUNG! I guess I couldn't really relate to the girls because to be honest, I didn't ever see myself as BEING those girls. I'm pretty sure that I thought I would be happily married and having children in my thirties and therefore would never really experience that lifestyle. Plus, I was kind of a prude and I couldn't believe that single gals could have that much SEX! (Oh what little did I know).

Fast forward 6 years to the second time I watch the series (just this past autumn actually). And SUDDENLY I had the revelation that I assume many 30-something women have: MY LIFE IS SO LIKE SEX AND THE CITY. Ok without the Jimmy Choos. And without the fabulous wardrobe (although with definitely a more fabulous wardrobe than in my 20's). Ok and without Mr. Big. Ok and without quite the same amount of sex... But you know what I mean. The point is. I suddenly totally get it. These are women in their 30's who have either decided not to get married and have babies or it just hasn't happened for them yet. They are beautiful, they are confident, they are sexy, they have careers, they are enjoying life, they are dating lots of men, they have cash to spend on clothes and shoes, they look amazing. and they are Freaking FABULOUS!

I mean why did I start to write this blog? For the same reason. I wanted to represent the alternative lifestyle for single 30-something women out there. I wanted to show that there is something to do in your thirties other than have babies and husbands (not that I have a problem with it - it just hasn't happened to me yet). So, instead I'm focusing on being FABULOUS. And of course, there is no better inspiration than Sex and the City. Thank you Keri, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha for showing me it can be done. And it can be done with style. And it can be done in very high heels. And it can be lots of fun. And there can be lots of men. Oh - and there can be lots of SEX.

So, in anticipation of a great movie... I leave you with some words of wisdom from the one and only Carrie Bradshaw:

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back to life. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

-Carrie Bradshaw

She Wolf

The first time I heard Shakira's new song She Wolf, I was not impressed. Don't get me wrong. I'm huge Shakira fan and have been listening to her since someone first played me one of her Spanish songs when I live in Costa Rica - when by the way, she was still just a girl from Colombia who hadn't made it big in the US and had yet to die her hair all blond and get an amazing body...

As usual, I digress. Anyway, She Wolf... I like it now. I still think that her howling in the background is kind of annoying but it's a catchy tune with a good beat and recently I had a look at the words. Check out my favorite verses:

Sitting across the bar, staring right at her prey

It's going well so far, she's going to get her way

Nocturnal creatures are not so prudent

The moon's my teacher, and I'm here student

To locate the single men, I got on me a special radar

And the fire department hot line in case I get in trouble later

Not looking for cute little divos or rich city guys that just want to enjoy

But having a very good time and behave very bad in the arms of a boy

For some odd reason, I feel like I can relate to this song. I like that she calls men in bars "prey." And also, I especially like the use of the "divos." Plus, she looks super hot in the video (although definitely channeling her inner stripper). Check it out here.

By the way, speaking of Spanish which we weren't really... I'm going to spend the 3 day bank holiday weekend in Barcelona partying and hanging out with my younger brother (who currently lives in Barcelona and plays awesome music - by the way, my brother and I are like total opposites, I'm a workaholic, my brother is an artist -  no one really understands his job situation but at least he's living life unlike me who's working my life away) I can't wait. I hope it will be fun.

Last year I spent the long May holiday weekend in Amsterdam for Queen's Day. That was pretty crazy between the attempt on the Queen's life (one of the girl's we were was the niece of one of the people who died), wearing obnoxious amounts of orange, participating in massive street parties, cruising the canals, checking out the infamous red light district, drinking heavily all day, and participating in other things that are illegal everywhere else but Holland. (By the way, Amsterdam has to be one of my most favorite cities ever... and not because of the legality of certain substances - believe me that's not really my thing - however... when in Rome... or Amsterdam). But alas, I was with the beautiful Swede and we did spend much of the time fighting... So, this year I'm counting on my brother to show me a good time in "his city." He usually delivers. So, I'm not that worried. It's going to be great! And this year, I'm single - so no worrisome boyfriend picking fights about money (I was paying so I couldn't understand why he was complaining), or doing other annoying things like deciding to smoke an entire joint basically on his own despite my warning that this might not be a good idea for the following reasons:

1. He wasn't exactly an experienced smoker - this was like the second time in his life he had ever partaken in this activity
2. He is Swedish and Swedes in general are not very accustomed to the use of illegal substances (this is obviously a good thing - just sayin)
3. It just seemed like a bad idea... (and I have learned that my gut instinct is usually pretty good)

 Let's just say that the day's activities ended with us exiting the "Coffee Shop" walking 3 blocks and him deciding he needed to sit down immediately (in the middle of the road in fact) for an hour to recover before we could make our way to a table at a restaurant where the bartender took pity on him and brought him water with sugar in it (which did seem to help) and where I sat there and told he he wasn't really dying... he was just high. Finally we managed to make our way back to the hotel room and call it a night at a ridiculously early hour (yes, another fight then ensued).

Anyway, I'm sure I will have some interesting updates on my Barcelona trip coming at you shortly. I plan to embrace my inner She Wolf and give those Spanish boys a run for their money. Stay tuned! Awhooo!

What did we do Before Facebook?

I'm just back from an exciting weekend in Stockholm. Although I spent some very busy working days in the Stockholm office, I still managed to fit in some time for fun and catching up with old friends and as usual the girls had planned a big social schedule for us. I also had the great pleasure of meeting 3 beautiful new babies of good friends! It was really great to see my friends as new moms although it made me really realize how far there lives are from mine at this point ( do feel that this topic deserves a whole other blog). And as if to prove that it doesn't matter that everyone else is having babies and I'm still out partying like a 23 year old, I partied pretty hard 3 nights in a row despite having a massive cold that would have sent any normal person running for bed. I also went with a friend to the spa where we had great ambitions of having a work out session at the gym but unfortunately were so hungover we could only mope around and hang out in the outdoor (heated) pool and get a massage. Then, hangover still holding on, we met the rest of the girl group for an adventurous afternoon of pole dancing. Believe me. Swinging around a pole and trying to be sexy and graceful when you are hungover is something I DO NOT advise. However... hangover and all it was a really good time and I was amazed at how good we all were at the little sexy dance routine we all learned. The bruises in obscene places and the sore muscles on the other hand, are not so fun. Who knew pole dancing was such a good workout or so much fun?

If pole dancing was a high point... Unfortunately on Friday night I experienced a major low point when my friend (innocently enough and still feeling bad that she was the one to tell me) dropped the bomb that I knew was coming sooner or later when she said "Oh I hear the Beautiful Swede has a new girlfriend." Even though I was prepared for this kind of revelation about my Ex Boyfriend as I somewhat assumed that there was a possibility he had continued dating the New Year's Eve date, I was devastated. Directly after New Year's I had made a decision to not stalk him on Facebook (In one small moment of weakness over Christmas I did look at pictures of the girl I thought he was dating and then realized that I was only hurting myself and no good could come of following his life especially when I realized she looked like - to borrow a phrase from a friend - a "bad copy" of me). So, I "hid him" on Facebook so I would no longer see any status updates/relationship changes/pictures etc. Notice that I didn't actually "block him" which would mean that then he can't see my updates. I just hid him so I can't see what he's doing, but he can still see how great and wonderful my life is through my cheery status updates and frequent pictures of me with other men - as I might have mentioned before, I'm very very mature when it comes to relationships. So, because I had "hidden him" I didn't see when he changed his Facebook status to "In a Relationship." Luckily I have friends to watch out for me...

Even more devastating is the fact that that although we dated for over a year, we never changed our Facebook status to "In a Relationship." Ugh. Did I just write that? Oh yes I did. Ok. Let me explain. On the outside, I pretend that I think that changing your Facebook status is really cheesy and is not something I ever will do (I'm pretty sure that I expressed this to the Beautiful Swede) however, on the deep deep inside... I really secretly want a guy (ok - we're getting real honest here, I wanted that guy - the Beautiful Swede) to ask me to be "In a Relationship" with him on Facebook. I can't believe I'm saying this, but my deep dark secret is that I want a guy who wants to proclaim to our closest 500 + friends each on Facebook that we have a relationship. Ok... maybe I'm getting a bit carried away... I mean I haven't figured out if I will actually accept the relationship request - I have heard that you can always "deny" or "ignore" - but I still want to be asked. And it definitely makes me feel bad that he was so quick to jump into a Facebook relationship with someone else... Cue the insecurities... So, despite being prepared to hear that my Beautiful Ex had a girlfriend, it hit me hard. It ruined my night and it was in the back of my mind all weekend. And obviously I have been obsessing about it ever since. I only hope blogging about it will help me to get over it.

So, I was feeling a bit down about the Beautiful Swede having a new girlfriend, but luckily The Tennis Player (aptly named since he was a pro tennis player at some point in the recent past) thanks to my enthusiastic Facebook "I'm in Stockholm Y'all" status update, knew I was in town and sent me a message asking me if I wanted to meet up...

My relationship with the Tennis Player is a simple one. It doesn't really exist (outside the bedroom at least). But we have known each other for 3 or 4 years - neither of us can remember but it either way it seems like an extraordinarily long time for a relationship of this sort to continue to exist without any drama. We see each other from time to time depending on when we are both single. He actually fits my "perfect man" description exactly. He is tall, extremely handsome, dark hair, blue eyes, in good shape (he was a former tennis player), reasonably smart - well at least I think... capable of interesting conversation (mostly in the form of bedroom talk), a bit shy though and not seemingly a player, has lived in the US for 4 years while studying, close with his family, and whenever I see him, I want to rip his clothes off (just in case you were still in any doubt as to the nature of our relationship). But the relationship doesn't go anywhere (outside the bedroom at least). I think we are both happy with this set up. And seriously every perpetually single girl needs at least one man in their lives like this. Anyway, I had trouble deciding whether to contact the Tennis Player or not and had finally decided not to mostly because I was very tired from the night before and still sick with a never ending cold and I felt that a good night's sleep might do me some good. However, fate intervened and as I went to walk out of the club on Saturday night I literally bumped into him. We had a good laugh about our "destiny." And well I'm sure that you can guess the rest. Keeping in the PG-13 spirit of this blog, I won't divulge the dirty details.

So, all in all... A good weekend. Sad about the Beautiful Swede but saved by the Tennis Player. And as always a great time with the girls - and that's what's most important anyway.

But of course, back at work on Monday morning, the Beautiful Swede gets me on Google messenger to say: Hope you had a nice weekend in Stockholm. Guess he was also following my enthusiastic Facebook updates... I wish I could say that I easily casually ignored this comment, just easily brushed it aside and went on with my day - obviously not since I'm still thinking and writing about it now. Instead it threw off my whole day. First I created and rejected many one-liners to give him such as: Leave me Alone; Never Contact Me Again; Drop Dead Buddy; It was a fabulous weekend and the Tennis player was fabulous too (The Beautiful Swede wisely didn't like the Tennis Player - we had accidentally bumped into him out at least once)... See there goes that maturity shining through again. Then I wrote 3 different emails:

1. The angry never contact me again, I wish I never wasted my time with you email


2. The I hope you are well, I'm well too, my life is wonderful now without you. I know it must be hard, but I do hope that you might manage to have a semi-nice life without me.


3. The sad teary-eyed, I miss you lots but I heard you have someone new and I just want you to know that it's really hard but I'm trying to move on too and it's better for me if you never contact me again because it hurts so much, if I think we can ever be friends again, then I will let you know but don't hold your breath.

Finally the maturity kicked in and I decided not to send any of the emails but they are all sitting in my "Draft" section of Gmail just waiting for me to figure out which one to send... In retrospect, maybe I can just send him a link to this blog. Nothing else... Hmm....

But here's the test. Read this post again and look at all the ways that Facebook intervened in the dynamics of this weekend (say nothing of the fact that I used it to contact all my friends to arrange meeting up with them). So, I ask you all this one question. Where would we be with out Facebook? Seriously? What did we do before Facebook? How did people know what other people were doing and keep in touch with each other? How did they arrange to meet up? How did people make their Exes jealous or post fun pictures of girl outings like pole dancing so the memories of fun weekends can live on in cyber space long after the party's over. How did we know that our exes had moved on to someone else? How did people proclaim their relationships? And are relationships these days really relationships without a Facebook proclamation? Was my relationship with the Beautiful Swede less real than his relationship with "her" because we did not set our Facebook status to "in a relationship?" I mean there are probably hundreds of my friends who didn't even know I was even in a relationship with him because my status on Facebook always remained "single"! Ok - I'm kidding - kind of... And is technology really helping? In the case of the Tennis Player it helped him to know I was in town, but wouldn't we have bumped into each other in the club anyway? Or is it hurting? In the case of the Beautiful Swede, do I really need to know he is dating someone else? And do I really need to be tempted to go in and check out pictures of him and his new girlfriend? I have to say that I am for the most part, a real Facebook addict. With my international lifestyle, I find it an easy and fun way to keep up with friends all over the world. On more than one occasion Facebook has enabled me to meet up with people in random cities just because we caught each other's Facebook post that we were going to the same place at the same time. But a sometimes, I just can't help wondering were we all just better off before Facebook?

You Can't Be Friends With Your Ex

This euphoric feeling of relief and freedom gained from breaking away from my Ex - the Beautiful Swede continued throughout the month of December until Christmas. Then suddenly I was thrown back in to the old pattern of thinking about the Beautiful Swede and missing him. This was most likely due in part to the fact that I did spend a weekend with another Swede: The Swedish Adventurer, and over the course of that weekend, I realized that I didn't have half as much fun with the Adventurer as I did with my Beautiful Ex. And also in part due to the fact that the Ex and I began again to communicate via text and Google chat. Basically, for a breif delusional second, I actually thought that me and the Ex could be friends!

And then I went home to the US for Christmas and suddenly I found myself really missing the Ex. Last Christmas, the Beautiful Swede had come home with me. It was the beginning of our relationship and we had an amazing time together ringing in the New Year in NYC. He also came home with me this summer.

So, suddenly 'home' - my sanctuary, my escape from the rest of the world - became a reminder of the Ex. I found myself thinking a lot about "last year" and wishing he was there with me... It didn't help that he had met everyone in my entire family plus all my friends and it didn't make this easier that everyone had loved him. Family, friends, everyone was asking about him. So, I did what should never be done - I made contact with the Ex via the phone this time. And he told me he missed me too! And I believed him.

And just as I found myself once again planning a future for us, he told me that he was dating someone new and would be spending New Year's Eve with her. I was devastated. And enraged! Why did he keep trying to contact me? Why did he tell me how much he missed me? And how hard it was for him? How can he possibly be dating someone else? (Ok. I'm dating too but not anyone serious)!

And then all the insecurities began to surface... What if he has more fun with her than he had with me? What if she's prettier, smarter, funnier, cooler than I am? What if they have better sex? What if he likes her more than he liked me? What if she's the "one?" Ugh - see what I mean? I should not be allowed to talk to my Ex and he should not be allowed to contact me. It just sends me down a horrible destructive path and for no reason - at the end of the day, the fact that we are not right for each other still remains. So, why beat myself up over it? So, what if he likes her more than he liked me? So, what if she is prettier, cooler, smarter than me? So what if they get married and have beautiful children and live happily ever after? HE AND I ARE NOT MEANT TO BE. It's definitely time to move on.

So, I spent New Year's Eve as the only single person at a couple's party, missing my Ex and missing my friend's in Stockholm, feeling sorry for myself, and wondering if 2010 would really be a better year than 2009. And post New Year's the Ex and I had at least one more conversation where we said hurtful things to each other and did enough damage to ensure that friendship would never be an option. And then I spent a few more days moping around and then I got on a flight back to London and decided to really GET OVER IT.

So, we have resumed not speaking and I for the most part feel better. However, he of course is up to his old tricks, trying to contact me in various ways with silly messages like - I saw this and it made me think of you. And I have a new resolve to be strong and not fall for it, because I know that if I do respond to him, then I will be met with the same words again: "I miss you. But I'm dating someone else. It's time for you to move on."

Well all I can say now is I'm moving on: ON TO THE NEXT!

Closing the Ex Files

"Have You Ever Tried Sleeping With a Broken Heart, Well you Should Try Sleeping In My Bed" - Alicia Keys

It feels that in order to give an honest summary of my dating escapades this fall, I have to begin at the beginning. And that would be with my Ex Boyfriend: The Beautiful Swede.

One of my biggest problems or downfalls is that the Beautiful Swede keeps trying to creep his way back into my life and has been around a bit too much this fall. Officially we broke up in August. Unofficially we kept seeing each other until well... I guess the beginning of December when I last saw him in Stockholm. We stopped talking every night at the end of October. So, it feels like the real break up began then... Actually, what am I talking about? We were breaking up and hurting each other all fall! That was the problem. Every time I made a little bit of progress and got away from him a little bit, he would push his way back in and hurt me all over again.

We keep deciding not to talk. I keep telling him we are not going to be friends. He usually respects this for a short time and then starts to try to contact me in various ways. I mean dating has become so complicated with technology! In addition to the phone, we now have emails, text messages, Skype, Blackberry Messenger, Google chat, Facebook... Ugh. There are so many ways to keep in touch or get in touch. And yes, emails count as contact. The problem was, when the Ex contacted me, I thought he missed me! And unfortunately, I sure missed him...

Christmas was a low point for me. I had made a lot of progress in getting over him in the fall. In fact, in part due to an introduction of a new man (The Swedish Adventurer - see future post) while visiting Stockholm in December, I actually felt like I was finally ready to close the Ex-files and move on. Seriously. But against the advice of my friends and mother, I decided to see the Beautiful Swede at the beginning of December and stay with him for 2 nights while working in Stockholm. I knew it might not be a good idea. I knew that it might open the door again. I knew there was really no point in seeing him since we had decided again and again that our relationship wouldn't work out in the long run. But I really wanted to see him. So, as usual, I didn't take the advice of those around me and instead I followed my heart and saw the Ex.

And, it was good! Good to see him but also good to leave him! I really felt like things were over. We still had amazing sex (why oh why is break up sex always the best) and he could still make me laugh with his dorky sense of humor and all the reasons I had dated him for the past year plus were still there but at the same time, it felt like the blinders were off and I could see all the bad things very clearly too. And the overwhelming realization I had was - he just doesn't love me enough. And why would I want to be with someone who doesn't love me enough... And the funny thing, is I actually felt ok with this realization. So, when we kissed goodbye and I went off to catch an early morning flight back to London, this time there were no tears, and in fact I felt ok, relieved almost that I had survived the time with my Ex without doing more damage to my broken heart. Ready to get back to my life in London. Ready to meet a better man. Ready to put the Beautiful Swede behind me and close the Ex Files.