Catching Up

Let me start by saying: I MISSED YOU ALL!!! I took an unexpected leave of absence from my blog for the longest time since I've started blogging and Damnit! I missed you! 

Let me fill you in on what's going on in my life and the reasons why I haven't been blogging. 

I have been feeling unusually tired and unmotivated. I've also been feeling a bit sad and depressed. I usually feel like superwoman and love doing hundreds of things at once. I pride myself in my high energy levels and my ability to multi-task. I have never needed a lot of sleep. I love living life to the fullest. 

But suddenly, I just didn't feel right. I didn't feel like going to the gym. I didn't feel like blogging. I needed to sleep more than I usual but I was more tired than usual during the day. 

Initially, I blamed it on all the changes I was going through - I mean the move home has been SO HARD. And then I blamed it on seasonal depression - it's been a long cold winter. But I couldn't completely justify that considering that Boston has on average 2 more hours of light per day in the winter than London and 4 more hours of light per day than Stockholm! 

Just as I was starting to realize that something might be wrong, I got a call from my Doctor. Around Christmas, I had a bunch of tests done as part of a routine physical. I had gotten all of them back as negative except my test for vitamin B12. I have had problems with B12 deficiency in the past but it hadn't been an issue in the past few years. I usually get it checked each year though just to be sure. I assumed since I heard nothing back from the Doctor, that nothing was wrong. 

That was a mistake! Never assume. Always make sure you get the results back of all tests. Lesson learned. They called me 2 and half months later to say that my B12 levels were dangerously low (Average range for B12 is 250 - 1250, I was at 181). Of course this was scary since if my B12 were dangerously low 2 and half months ago, they must be even worse now.

I checked out the symptoms of B12 deficiency and they are: fatigue, depression, sadness, sores in your mouth, hair loss, numbness in my hands (a very scary feeling) lack of motivation, memory loss, dizziness etc. I had every single one of them! At least I figured out what my problem was! Now to find a Doctor. 

Easier said than done! My primary care doctor is out in W. Mass where I grew up. As this is going to most likely be an ongoing need for treatment since first they need to re-test me, possibly give me injections, and then most importantly find the under-laying cause, I needed to find a Doctor in Boston. This proved to be difficult. I spent hours on the phone trying to find a doctor who would accept new patients. The earliest I could get an appointment was 2 weeks away. I waited the two weeks and went to the Doctor in Boston. She basically just told me to keep taking supplements and come back in 3 months! 

I have been taking supplements every day for years. I take 1,000 mcg of B12 every day since I was diagnosed years ago (the problem is that it has not been confirmed whether or not my stomach will absorb it from oral supplements - they are starting to think I can't, otherwise I wouldn't be this low). I knew that her answer was not acceptable to me. I worried that if I waited 3 months, I could be in big trouble. So, I called my Doctor at home in W. Mass and she was immediately concerned. 

I decided to take this Friday afternoon off of work (not good timing at all - more on that in a bit) and drive out to W. Mass and have her do a bunch of blood work and give me an injection. I still need to find a doctor here in Boston as I need to have an injection every day for the next week, every week for the next month and most likely every month for the rest of my life. And then we will see about the rest of the results... I'm anxious to know that nothing is wrong. 

So... in addition to all this, things have gone CRAZY at work! I suddenly am so busy I can barely breath. And I cannot take time off for the doctor or to spend lots of time on the phone searching for a doctor. I'm double-booked all day in meetings and in the office until 10 pm catching up on all the other stuff. So, the health thing has been bad timing. 

After months of being totally bored at work, I was seriously contemplating leaving. I flagged this to my superiors and they decided it was time to make some changes (not just to alleviate my boredom but because there were other problems that needed to be addressed as well). We spent a couple weeks trying to figure it out, then a couple others in a holding pattern. And then they made some serious changes which included a big restructure that put me in charge of an important team. Over all, the changes are good. It's what I wanted. It's just bad timing. If the whole health crisis had happened a couple weeks ago, I would have welcomed the excuse to miss doing nothing at work and spend time focusing on my health. But now I'm SO BUSY. Don't get me wrong. I want to be busy. I want to feel fulfilled at my job. It's all just a bit overwhelming right now. 

And then in the middle of all this, I had a trip to Austin to SXSW - which was AWESOME! I sadly had to cut it short by some days as with all the changes at work I couldn't be out of the office for as long as I planned. I hope to do a blog post on my crazy time in Austin soon! 

And as if health and crazy work haven't been enough,  I've suffered a huge betrayal from someone I thought was a friend and this had really depressed me. I had given her a link to this blog. I don't think she reads it, but I don't know. But it has turned me off from writing a bit because I really want nothing to do with this person on a personal level and I don't want her to read anything about my personal life. I'm not going to go into the details but this situation is something that has caused me a lot of stress and anger and hurt over the past couple months. Unfortunately, I still have to work with this person. 

And finally, I'm having a REALLY tough time transitioning back to life here in the US. My next blog post will most likely be more about this... I'm questioning everything right now and am really confused about what I want to do in life and where I want to live. And I'm feeling really sad and overwhelmed - obviously the B12 is not helping here... 

So, there you have it. That's what I've been dealing with over the past couple weeks. I apologize for not blogging much and not keeping up with my blog reading. And I will warn you that I might be a bit spotty over the next couple weeks, but I hope to get back to regular blogging (and regular life) soon. I do have some dates and other things to catch you up on. Nothing to exciting. But stay tuned!

P.S. It feels good to write again.