Sunday, January 23, 2011

Dating Update part II

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So, I've been feeling down in the dumps lately and dissapointed that I haven't met any men since moving to Boston. So, I wrote this post and asked my awesome readers for help and advice. 

A huge thanks to everyone for the great response! I really appreciate it. Your thoughtful comments meant a lot to me. Last week was a tough one (not helped by the fact that I was not drinking - more on that later) and your comments made me smile. 

I also asked you all for advice on how to meet men. And many of you gave me suggestions on how to improve my profile. 

Let me start with a summary of the suggestions in order to meet more men (my comments in blue)

  1. Meet men at the gym - this is in theory a great idea! I have met men at the gym before. However, my gym is very very small and one of the reasons I like it is that it's rather uncrowded. I have yet to see an attractive man there. But I could go to the bigger gym down the road that's part of the same chain and scope a guy out there. I would be totally open to meeting a guy at the gym. However, I tend to work out hard and am a sweaty hot mess at the gym. I'm not sure that I'm at my most attractive. But I will keep my 
  2. Meet men at Boot Camp class - I actually thought that Boot Camp Class would be a great way to meet men. Turns out, it's a great way to meet women. There are only 2 guys in my Boot Camp Class and I'm not sure that either one of them is interested in women. Maybe the guy-girl ratio will change when it gets warmer. But in the meantime, I'm thinking of organizing a drink for the group. Who knows? Maybe some of them have some cute friends. 
  3. Date men who fall outside my normal "type" of guy - this is good advice. I actually have done quite a bit of experimenting with guys who aren't really my "type." I write about it here actually. So far, it hasn't really worked out, but I'm pretty open-minded and will try anything once! While I have an idea of what my "type" is, I'm open to being swept off my feet for someone who is totally different. In fact, I think that would be kind of fun. 
  4. Try dating older men - I don't have a rule against dating older men. I just tend to date younger men. If I met an older man who I found attractive and interesting. I would totally go for it. But good advice. Maybe I should pursue a slightly older age range on Match and see what happens. 
  5. Go on a blind date - I would LOVE to do this. So far though, no one has set me up. And unfortunately, it seems like most of my friends only have friends who are married or in relationships (seriously, I sometimes think I'm the only single person left). But let me know if you dear readers know of any hot guys in Boston who might be interested in going on a blind date with an International Woman of Mystery!
  6. Relax on the height requirement  - This is a tough one. For some reason height is a real turn on for me. I'm kind of tall 5'8"and have a slight fascination with 4 inch heels which puts me at about 6 feet so that is kind of my minimum requirement. But again, if I were to meet a guy that was shorter and we just clicked and he turned out to be the perfect guy, well I wouldn't rule it out just because of height! And hey, maybe I will try to go on a date with someone under 6 feet just for the hell of it. 
  7. Email men on Match I'm interested in rather than just winking at them - Right. This one is at least easy to do. In fact, I emailed a guy today instead of winking. I'll let you know how it turns out. 
  8. Go out to dinner by myself - This one I have actually done a lot -especially when I'm traveling alone. But, I haven't ever done it in Boston. Would take some courage to do, but I could try it out. At the very least, I could eat alone at Whole Foods (see point 10).
  9. Hook up with the Boston girl who writes A Pre-Life Crisis - Thanks Date Me DC for turning me on to her blog. I have yet to write her but plan to do so soon! Good idea! 
  10. Meet a guy at Whole Foods - Alright, I admit it, no one actually suggested this but on more than one occasion, I have observed that there are lots of hot guys at Whole Foods. Unfortunately, usually right as I'm checking them out, their girlfriend appears. Although I was making eyes with a cute blue-eyed tall guy tonight over the salad bar. 
Well, that's a good start. I can try to do those things on the list. Any other suggestions? Seems like a rather short list right now. 

Let's move on to my profile. Many of you felt that my profile was a bit too negative and I actually agree. I took your advice and re-edited it. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten a huge increase in emails or winks, but I am feeling a bit better about my profile. I post it in full below. I'm open for further advice. 

Although originally from Massachusetts, I just moved back to Boston after spending the better part of the last 9 years living abroad. I'm not going to lie, repatriation has been a bit harder than I anticipated. I'm looking for someone to introduce me to Boston, remind me why the US is such a great place to live and hopefully convince me that I should not jump on the next plane and move back abroad. 

Okay, the above paragraph was the short version. If you want the longer version - keep reading: 

I guess the best way to describe me is an All-American, "girl next door." You know the type - captain of the high school cheerleading squad, straight A student, lots of friends, an all around idylicc childhood... 

But despite living the "American Dream," I was very intrigued by other cultures and countries and I always wanted to live abroad. Luckily enough, my first job out of college gave me that opportunity. I've lived and worked abroad in Latin America, Asia, Sweden and the UK. After almost 9 years abroad, I decided to move back to the US for a bit and take a break from my crazy jet-set life. 

I love to laugh and have fun. I'm a self proclaimed nerd. Friends would describe me as social and outgoing. Colleagues would describe me as hardworking and dedicated. I love to party and go out, but I'm just as happy staying at home reading a good book. I'm not a big TV person (I don't even own a television) and if you are into movies, I will probably disappoint you as I have not seen very many movies (although admittedly this might be because I don't really like watching them alone). I like to stay active and I love running and going to the gym. I work hard and take my job seriously. I've lived a very international life and I could entertain you for hours with stories from my travels. I like going out for dinner - especially for Mexican, sushi or Thai food. I'm happiest when it's sunny and I love the beach. 

I'm looking for a guy who is interesting and interested. Someone spontaneous and ambitious who is not afraid of adventure. Someone who is up for partying all night but doesn't mind staying in reading a book in bed. Someone who is open-minded, interested in traveling and could see themselves living abroad. Someone who is active and wouldn't mind going for a run on the beach or hitting the gym with me. Someone who challenges me and has something to teach me. Motivation and curiosity are definitely sexy. Also, I kind of have a thing for tall men (i. e. over 6 feet). 

And by the way, I can't cook so it's better if you do. But if you can't, well I guess we'll be very good at ordering/eating out.

BTW - Are you curious about how the battle of the Health Nut vs. the Alcoholic Monster is going? Do you think that I made it through the weekend without a drink? Well... you will have to stay tuned to find out. 

Hope you have a fabulous week! 

14 comments:

Sandra said...

I don't think you want to hook up with anybody at the gym. I don't know about you, but that's not the time when I'm looking or smelling my best, nor are the men surrounding me.
The older man suggestion is a good one. And if you get one that isn't an idiot (and I say this with the greatest respect towards all idiotic men) the relationship could go places rather than remain stagnant, as is often the case with the younger men...then again, I haven't been in the dating scene in 10 years, I'm probably not the best one to be advising.

Marcela said...

I would personally not limit my public profile with height or cooking requirements. Maybe he is not tall but you still fall in love with him. Maybe he can't cook either and you both take a cooking class together or forever order take out! Love is so surprising, it appears where you least expect it.
Maybe telling what you missed about the US while living abroad would also help. Men who perhaps haven't traveled much may feel intimidated by your life, so giving them some common ground, something to talk about with you may help.
Otherwise, visit NY for the weekend and visit the UNHQ: you'll get lots of well educated, well traveled men there (but you'll probably make more money than them ;)
Good luck with finding Mr. Right!

On My Soapbox said...

Part 1:
I used to be something of an editor, so my comments will be from that point of view. Please, please don't take my comments personally. :-) Here goes:

In general, you probably don't want something too long. Us humans have short attention spans. :-)

"Although originally from Massachusetts, I just moved back to Boston after spending the better part of the last 9 years living abroad. I'm not going to lie, repatriation has been a bit harder than I anticipated."

I would remove the last sentence. It's not really relevant in a dating sense.

"I'm looking for someone to introduce me to Boston, remind me why the US is such a great place to live and hopefully convince me that I should not jump on the next plane and move back abroad."

I would just say, "I'm looking for someone to reintroduce me to Boston" (assuming you've been to Boston before this). The rest of it gives off the vibe that you're not sure you like being here and that maybe Boston isn't so great.

"I guess the best way to describe me is an All-American, "girl next door." You know the type - captain of the high school cheerleading squad, straight A student, lots of friends, an all around idylicc childhood..."

This just doesn't come off very well. It kind of makes you sound like you have a superior attitude.

"But despite living the "American Dream," I was very intrigued by other cultures and countries and I always wanted to live abroad. Luckily enough, my first job out of college gave me that opportunity. I've lived and worked abroad in Latin America, Asia, Sweden and the UK. After almost 9 years abroad, I decided to move back to the US for a bit and take a break from my crazy jet-set life."

I'm not sure this is dating-relevant, either.

"I love to laugh and have fun. I'm a self proclaimed nerd. Friends would describe me as social and outgoing. Colleagues would describe me as hardworking and dedicated. I love to party and go out, but I'm just as happy staying at home reading a good book. I'm not a big TV person (I don't even own a television) and if you are into movies, I will probably disappoint you as I have not seen very many movies (although admittedly this might be because I don't really like watching them alone). I like to stay active and I love running and going to the gym. I work hard and take my job seriously. I've lived a very international life and I could entertain you for hours with stories from my travels. I like going out for dinner - especially for Mexican, sushi or Thai food. I'm happiest when it's sunny and I love the beach."

Now this paragraph describes a lot about who you are and what you like to do! Much, much more relevant then where you were and what you've done in the past.

On My Soapbox said...

Part 2:
"I'm looking for a guy who is interesting and interested. Someone spontaneous and ambitious who is not afraid of adventure. Someone who is up for partying all night but doesn't mind staying in reading a book in bed. Someone who is open-minded, interested in traveling and could see themselves living abroad. Someone who is active and wouldn't mind going for a run on the beach or hitting the gym with me. Someone who challenges me and has something to teach me. Motivation and curiosity are definitely sexy. Also, I kind of have a thing for tall men (i. e. over 6 feet)."

This last paragraph is pretty good, too. Although some have given you a bad time about the height thing, I understand where you're coming from. I say keep it in there.

"And by the way, I can't cook so it's better if you do. But if you can't, well I guess we'll be very good at ordering/eating out."

You could just say, "And by the way, I can't cook." The rest of it isn't (here's that word yet again) relevant.

Hopefully this has been helpful! Again, please don't take my suggestions personally. I tried to make it so that it was a bit shorter and showed more of who you are and what you're looking for. Best of luck!

BTW, I thought of some places to meet men. I'll post on your other post.

Julianna said...

Ok. I like where you're going with the revisions. I have to agree with "soap box" in that you may want to trim it down a bit, because ALOT of men won't read the whole thing if it's too long. I always found that simple was better for Match.com. As to what Sandra said, I agree with the stinky gym thing... but what about a kick boxing or Karate class? There's usually a good mix of men and alot of single men take their kids (assuming that's not an issue for you)

Otherwise, I'm sticking with the older guy thing... younger guys are still figuring it out, older guys are happier in the moment.

I saw a movie this weekend that I thought had the best line..."the first act of life is where all the fun and crazy is, the second act, is where the depth is." So, I guess you just need to figure out if you're ready for fun/crazy or depth? -J

Sara Louise said...

I'm so happy that you took on board everyone's suggestions. And I have to say, I read Soapbox comment about editing your profile and I completely agree with her tips. Good luck! x

Kissing and Other Disasters said...

I love that "meeting a guy at a gym" is always suggested. I always think that would be weird.
mostly b/c i'm sweaty and gross at the gym and I don't need a future anyone seeing me like that.

and I like the whole foods one... i'll try that. :)

-K

Jewels said...

Sorry I suck and am just getting to this post. I think they are all pretty great ideas...but I think you are fine with your height requirements! I am 5'10 and just can't date guys shorter than me. I don't care what people say! I've tried it and it's strange. Nothing about looking down at a man or bending over to hug or kiss them is sexy! I can't even date somebody my own height. I want to be able to lean my head on their shoulder...and wear heals...and the going up on tip toes for a kiss....sigh...so sweet. Nope...can't do it! You know your preferences and I think we are both past a point of settling for something we really don't want. Stick to it sweetie!

Jewels said...

PS...I don't want to offend anyone who thinks it is a good idea to get rid of that requirement...I just understand why she doesn't want to. It works for some people and others it just doesn't.

Cinderita said...

I need to go and read update number 1 and then i'll come back and comment on this one! yay! another single woman dating! YAY!

Just Me said...

Two suggestions to meet someone I read on other blogs included the library and meetup.com

With regard to the library, the woman commenting said that their local librarian was booking authors to come and speak and that opens the door to men who are at least literate! Check out some of the libraries in Boston and see if they have a guest speaker program. Read the upcoming author's book, ask some questions at the event and snag a man at the same time!

Meetup.com has various groups of people looking to do a wide variety of activities and that may be an avenue to try out. You like to do karaoke? I'm sure there's a singles group for that in Boston!

Consider getting involved with a local charity. I was involved with a young professionals group in Florida (where I'm originally from) that raised money for an animal shelter. We would have monthly socials at various places around town and I met many wonderful people! You might try your local humane society or other rescue type group and see if they have anything like that. Maybe the art museum or ballet company has a young professionals type group you could join up there. You know that you would at least have something in common with the men you meet there at an event.

Keep your head up and a smile on your face at all times! You never know when someone will smile back at you! :)

The Relationship Company said...

Thanks for sharing, it is very important.....

katrichterwrites said...

Sigh... I'm with you on the height thing. I'm 5'7" before heels and I pretty much always wear heels. Also, having just returned to the US after several years abroad myself, I feel your pain. Good luck! And I'm glad to have stumbled upon your blog :)

Alexia said...

You sound adorable! And I love the idea of a Dating Challenge. I'm particularly attracted to 3, 4 and 5. Good luck with it!