Monday, December 13, 2010

Getting into the Christmas Spirit... or not...

I'm struggling right now...

Struggling to find the Christmas spirit. Struggling because for some reasons the holidays are making me feel lonely. Struggling to be happy. Struggling to accept my new non-international life. Struggling because I'm desperately homesick for Sweden and my girlfriends* - homesick even for London and my friends there. Struggling to figure out who I am in my new redefined world where I'm suddenly just standing still. And also... I'm struggling with men (yes, this is an ongoing one but particularly bad right now).

Usually writing is cathartic and something I look forward to, but right now I'm also struggling with writing. I have started at least 5 or 6 posts this weekend and have been unable to finish them. I'm not really sure what is wrong... I'm just struggling... and feeling in low spirits. So, I'm sorry for not blogging more. I'm hoping to snap out of this soon.

So, in lieu of a more interesting post, I thought I would jump on the Christmas decorations blogging bandwagon and share with you my cozy apartment all decorated for Christmas... I just wish that it was helping to cheer me up.

My little Christmas Tree

Without Flash

This is how Santa looks in Sweden - tall and skinny. He's called Tomte!
Isn't he cute!
Another typical Swedish Santa

Star - Guess what? It's also from Sweden - those Swedes do have the BEST Christmas decorations. Oh how I miss Sweden!

Cozy Fireplace with angel ornaments

I'm slightly obsessed with angles - most of these stay out the whole year!
More angels

So, that's it! That's my cozy Christmas apartment.

And I promise, a more inspired post coming soon.

UPDATE: I'm feeling better. I did a little shopping and bought a dress and super high heels and sparkly earrings for my work Christmas party this Thursday. I also just watched the Glee Christmas episode (that's right - I'm a total GLEEK) and it was really great and made me laugh and smile (something about Sue Sylvestor as the Grinch was pretty freaking hilarious). So, bring it on Christmas. 'Tis the Season!

*Today is Lucia in Sweden and missing it made me really sad. Even last year in London, I celebrated it and was around so many Swedes. I miss Sweden.


Average Girl said...

Awww sweetie... I have those Christmases.. Really, I am fairly grinch like you know. This is the first year in a long time where I don't feel like packing my bags and heading out on a trip! Cheer up little bubbly one! And if you don't cheer up soon, you will force me to go on an angel quest to find one to send you! Don't make me go out and shop for you girl, because I will!!!!


Katie @ said...

You're absolutely right - writing is cathartic. So if it makes you feel better when you're down, you definitely should do it. Don't worry about the blog - that will come to you when it's time. Open up a Word document or grab a good old-fashioned pen and paper. Get out what you need to get out. It doesn't matter whether you ever intend for anyone else to read it.

I can imagine that the holidays might be an especially hard time when you just moved to a new (okay old, but still new for you as an adult) city. But try to embrace this new life as much as you can. It's just like after a breakup from a bad relationship - it's SO easy to remember all of the good things about your old situation and forget all the reasons you left in the first place. And, if you're still unhappy in three... six... twelve months, you can make another change.

You of all people should know this doesn't have to be permanent. But you owe your choice a fair chance.

Good luck and happy holidays! Things WILL get better - they always do.

Anonymous said...

The holidays are hard when you are single and feeling lonely and out of place. I am sorry you are having and hard time. I hope that writing becomes the healing outlet for you it once was.

That being said I LOVE that star! It is stunning! The apartment looks very festive. :-)

jules said...

If SUPER high heels can't cheer a girl up, I don't know what can! I love your little tree. I'm all about a no commitment tiny tree. Easy clean up and I love the warm lights. Hope your spirits are up!

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

We really are on parallel lives! On top of the xmas blues, I've come down with a nasty cold and have been house-bound for days. I think it takes about 6 months to really feel like you've made a new life, social circles and all that. I just watched 'Love Actually' myself and it made me feel all christmasy :) And like your other friend said, you should know how temporary places can be. If you get to a point where you realize just how much you'd rather be in Sweden, then what's stopping you?

p.s. Of course the Swedish santa is tall and skinny while ours is fat and jolly! :D

ms. caboo said...

It's common to feel blue at this time of year, even when you haven't moved to a new place and started a new life! I've gone through many a sad Christmas, feeling down in the dumps. Feel free to blog about it! We're all here for you.

It helps if you make some cookies. :)

Julianna said...

I LOVE that snowflake. when you go back you MUST get me one. :)

Make cookies, it'll smell like Christmas.

Sara Louise said...

I love the little Swede Santa on the windowsill :-)

And I'm sending you long distance hugs because I know how lonely the holidays can be when you aren't really 'in' your place. BIG HUGS OOO

Sarah Elizabeth said...

I'm sorry you're not feeling in the Christmas spirit.

Why don't you bring a little Sweden to Boston. Throw a Swedish theme Christmas party for example.

I can understand you feeling lonely at Christmas. I spent 10 years of single Christmases before I finally met my husband. My last single New Year was 2007/2008 and I was at a party where I was one of only three single girls. I made a decision that 2008 would be my year and I consciously made the choice to give up my single life. A few months later I asked out the guy I'd been admiring from afar and 2 and a half years later we're married!

I know I might risk sounding like the annoying smug married one but I do believe that we are in charge of how we feel about our lives. We have to make things happen and if we're feeling miserable then we have to do something to change it.

Enjoy your single Christmas. Who knows it may be the last one!!

Anonymous said...

Oh. You have really pimped your home for Christmas =)
But that big santa is scary!
I scare easily so without my glasses on I would probably think it was a burglar..
Swedish santas are not skinny above the waiste line anyway...
Miss you and hope to see you soon!!

Mademoiselle L. said...

I love your Christmas Tree! So cute! I'd love to have one, but this year I won't be having anything. You're home and I'm not going home and we're both not feeling this festive atmosphere... I hate that.
And can I tell you a secret? - I hate when I'm feeling this way and everyone else is happy.

P.S. Sweden Santa looks creepy! LOL!


International Woman of Mystery said...

awwww... thanks for all the nice comments.

@Julianna - I will totally get you a Swedish star. :)

@Maggie - I miss you too!!! I need to plan a trip soon.

@Sara Elizabeth - you are TOTALLY on to something here. My LAST single Christmas. Why not? I think I will explore this in a future post.

@Average girl - angel quest away!

Thanks for all the love. I'm already feeling better.


myjoyproject said...

Awww your apartment is indeed cozy. It looks so lovely, I am so happy you shared :)

Sitting Pretty said...

Hi! I just found your blog through Life Begins at 30ty, and I so understand the holiday season melancholy. I suppose a number of things contribute to the overall feeling, and I don't like to admit it, but I think being single is one.

I hate hackneyed platitudes like "you'll meet someone right someday" or things like that, but I don't think you have it so bad. You live in Boston (one city I'd kill to live in someday) and you've travelled to so many amazing places. I suppose "Count your blessings" is a hackneyed phrase, but it does help sometimes.

"God jul och gott nytt år!" from the Philippines (where to count one's blessings is unavoidable amidst so many of the less fortunate.)

Catherine said...

Aww I love your tree and all your decorations. You aren't the only one struggling this holday... I totally feel you (not sure if that helps). Take care of yourself and focus on something you enjoy!