2010 was a year of lots of changes for me. I'm finally standing still in one place and I'm taking stock of my life and I'm realizing that maybe I'm not really where I want to be...
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The past week has been a reflective one as I've been trying to figure out where I want to be, what I want to do with my life. What is making me unhappy? What things make me happy? I've also been trying to identify what's holding me back or more precisely, what I'm doing that holding me back. Why am I still single? Why am I not even up for dating right now? Why do I keep meeting men with girlfriends? Why do I lately feel that my life is on more of a destructive path than a positive one?
After giving these questions a lot of thought, I could only come to one conclusion: I don't love myself very much right now. And I realize that if I don't love myself very much, if I'm not feeling like I'm in a positive place, if working more toward self-destruction than self-improvement, if I'm engaging in negative behaviours rather than in positive ones, if I'm being unhealthy rather than striving for healthiness, if I'm running away from things rather than embracing the world around me and trying to make it a better place, and again if I don't love myself very much then it's most likely going to be pretty hard for me to find anyone else to love me.
So, my new year's resolution for 2011 is
LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF MORE
That's it. Learn to love myself more.
Under this massive generalization, there are many sub-categories such as:
- Drink Less
- Eat healthier
- Exercise more
- Drink more water
- Have a bikini-ready body by beach 2011
- Focus on positive things
- Limit negative interactions with negative people
- Only pursue men worth pursuing - i.e. Ask men up front if they have a girlfriend and walk away right away if they say that they do
- Read more
- Take some classes
- Do things that I love to do - like throw parties, travel, run, read, write
- Be ok with being single until I find the right person
Unfortunately, the bar at work still pulls me in and on Friday night I had too much beer and felt hungover Saturday... Oh well. Baby steps. I didn't say I was quitting drinking - that would be boring. But I'm going to try to drink a bit less (and get in less trouble as a result) over all.
I've also managed to make it to the gym 5 times this week despite a cold. And tomorrow Boot Camp starts up again. Someone please please please remind me why I thought that doing a 6am Boot Camp in Boston in JANUARY was a good idea? I'm going to FREEZE!!! Say nothing of the fact that my heat is for some reason not working in my apartment (my little gas fireplace is attempting to heat the place until the management company can take a look tomorrow).
The last two weeks in Jan, I'm planning a 10 day detox from alcohol and bad foods. I'm sure I'll write more about this later.
Other than that... I'm trying to figure out what things make me happy. I love having things to look forward to so I'm trying to create things in the future that I'm excited about. I'm looking forward to a trip to London and Stockholm (primarily for business but with some long weekends thrown in to see friends) at the end of Jan/beginning of Feb. I'm planning to throw a Valentine's Day party. I'm hoping to plan a long weekend in Miami with girlfriends. I'm going to SXSW in Austin (work is sending me) which is hopefully going to be great!
So, that's it. My New Year's resolution for 2011. What's yours?
10 comments:
That is not an easy under taking but it is the most noble of goals and one that everyone should have for themselves. I can't wait to hear about about your journey to "loving yourself" and I mean that in the leasy dirty way possible. I know that 2011 will be a wonderful year for you...I can just feel it.
I am glad to hear that this year is about loving yourself, because we all love you!
I once had someone tell me to write down a list of 10 things I loved doing. Then she asked me how many I was actually doing on a regular bases. The answer was: none!
So I immediately started doing them. And was much happier :)
Do the things you love and the rest will fall in line. Or you'll die with a smile on your face ;)
Great post!I'm definitely going through the same thing right now (except the part about being single). And the thing is, you're right - this unease you're feeling right now has nothing to do with having a man in your life. I HAVE a wonderful man in mine, and it hasn't made it better. In fact, it makes me feel even more selfish for being unhappy, if that makes any sense.
I think you're right on track with your goals, and I'm definitely envious of your upcoming trips. I've heard Austin is a very fun city, and my little sister lives in Miami (I was just there last month) so I KNOW that's a fun city. And London? Well, you know how to get around there just fine.
Remember this post when you're feeling down, and keep your head up! You are in control of your life right now, and whenever you're not happy, all you need to do is make changes until you feel right. I always tell my sister - you're not going to find a guy who makes you happy. You have to love who you are and what you're doing with your life, and THEN the guy who loves those things too will find you. At least, that's the plan. :)
Mine was to attempt to commit a random act of kindness everyday. Little or big, it didn't matter, but do something selfless for someone else.
It's going well so far, today I am home with two sick kids, so my random act would be to yell less and be more compassionate with them....
...of course it is only 3:20, and they're making me crazy, so we'll see how it goes. :)
Limiting time with negative people is HUGE! It's a hard thing to do when you are close to certain people, but I've learned its crucial. They can drag you right down with them.
Sounds like you are well on your way! I'm trying to detox myself, but salty treats and alcohol always seem to find me!
Sounds like a great way to start off the New Year!
And I can't wait to hear your stories from SXSW! Austin (my old college town) is full of gorgeous men!
Good for you! It is so admirable that you are so committed to make a difference in your life...and you are def on the right track! keep it up!
Thanks for all the nice and inspiring comments everyone!
Love this! Pretty much same resolution here :)
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